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Extreme or no?

DS 7 thinks he's the one that makes the rules and thinks he knows better than us adults. It drives me nuts. Today I told him we were going out and he asked if he could bring something. Knowing where we were going I told him, "No." He proceeded to argue about it and ask why he couldn't. Since this was not the first offense I finally had had enough and told he we weren't going to go out after all (had planned on going ice skating, he doesn't know that, just that he is missing out on something fun.) I basically told him if he isn't going to respect me I'm not going out of my way to take him to fun things.

Is this too harsh? The problem I have is DH turns everything into a joke. DH doesn't see DS's behavior as wrong unless he's the one it's directed at.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Dec. 28, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (14)
  • No it's not extreme. If you don't teach him to respect you know, he never will.
    August07Mom

    Answer by August07Mom at 1:53 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • No doesnt sound extreme. I have 5 kids and thats pretty much how I do it, only I guess harsher. I tell them they are their brother/sisters keepers. If one screws up they all missed out. It kinda helped keep everyone in check.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:54 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I think you did the right thing. Show him when he doesn't mind that good things will be taken away.
    arenad

    Answer by arenad at 1:54 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • My son was like that too. If you dont keep it in check it just goes on and on and on. They will plead with you from sun up to sun down over something until your ready to pull your hair out. I used to call it the very slow breaking mommy down technique. Its important that he knows he cant get away with it and that no means no the first time, not the hundreth time..
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 2:11 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I agree that you need to set limits and enforce them but perhaps explaining why he couldn't take something would have been better then immediately losing it and then not going. I think it is important for kids to understand cause and effect not just that "no means no"

    melissasue38

    Answer by melissasue38 at 3:01 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Nope, totally agree with you. That's how it works in our house. My 10yo is like that. She has behavior issues and will argue and fight with me just because. It's like she gets a thrill from it. And no amount of explaining or reasoning makes a difference. Besides by then, I'm sure, she has repeatedly told her son why he can't bring something with. He shouldn't be asking because he knows the rules. These kind of kids just do it to be annoying most of the time and hope that they bug you enough that you'll just give in to not listen to it any more. I've stopped giving my 10yo an explanation every time she asks to do the same thing she already knows she can't do. It's pointless and just gives her the power. I don't have to explain anything, I'm the mother.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 3:47 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • That's how it works at my house. One kid can screw it up for everyone too. No amount of tears will change the final decision either because they are old enough to know that I'm not playing around. They get warnings, so once I have to say 'that's it, we aren't going', it's over.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 5:27 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Nope, not to harsh at all. Its a pretty typical behavior but as you can imagine it will just keep getting worse. I call it the precurser to teen years.... to give us a heads up, practice, and a chance to maybe nip some of the behaviors BEFORE time.
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 8:10 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I have similar issues with my children sometimes. The only thing I disagree with is that you don't mention explaining why he can't bring said item. My son always wants to bring toys wherever we go. If it's inappropirate, I will tell him so and why, even if he doesn't know where we are going. Maybe by explaining your decision, he won't feel as helpless and will understand your decision and not argue with you.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 8:44 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Even if I give him an explanation he starts to argue that. "You can't bring that because I don't want you to lose pieces all over the place." "I won't lose them." "You're not bringing it." "I won't lose any pieces." I've just gotten sick of that too.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:39 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

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