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2 Bumps

is it wrong of me to do this? shouldn't this kind of thing be a 2 way street? adult content

i am fed up with my husband refusing to either have sex with me long enough for me to have an orgasm or go down on me. he hasn't gone down on me since last YEAR and he always, always finishes first. therefore, i havent had a self-induced orgasm since last year. and before that he only went down on me twice the year before that. but me, i gave him head nearly every night in the week and we had sex after. if we got tired we'd do other things to get him to have his. and after that he'd be done. i have been left to do it myself for too long. so i haven't given him head in about two weeks. he finally asked last night why and i said cause you never do it for me. and he said well i dont like it. and i said its not like i LOVE giving you head, i only do it because it makes YOU feel good. im tired of give give give and getting nothing in return in the bedroom. but i dont want him to be deprived either and start looking elsewhere. i just feel like if i dont put my foot down about what i want it will never happen, and he'll keep being selfish. is this wrong or am i looking for trouble here? thanks for any answers/advice in advance.


Asked by Anonymous at 2:57 PM on Dec. 28, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I think very often as women, we let men be selfish. Even in standing up for yourself, I hear you worrying about whether he will go looking elsewhere for what he wants after just a couple of weeks of letting him go without. Look how little you've gotten of what you want....and I think we all need. Shouldn't he be worried about whether you may feel deprived, and go looking elsewhere for what you want??

    I think it is important for these things to go both ways. It should be as important to our husbands to give us pleasure as it is to us to give them pleasure. If a man really loves us, shouldn't it excite him to know that he has the power to give us the most incredible pleasure?? Shouldn't they want to touch us and taste us the way we do for them?

    I don't think you're at all wrong. You don't want to be married for a lifetime and realize that you missed out on one of the most incredible pleasures that life offers.

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:05 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • You need to sit down and talk this over. Work out a plan that will work for both of you.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 3:00 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I think you 2 definitely need to talk about this issue and you need to let him know that sex is a GIVE and TAKE-- not 1 person (aka you) doing all the giving and him enjoying all the benefits and giving nothing in return!   Hopefully there can be some sort of compromise, or you can work something out-- like it is your turn 1st and once he makes you happy it is his turn to enjoy.....


    Answer by MizLee at 3:07 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • You let this go on for years before you said anything so he thinks it's acceptable. My exhusband was selfish a few times so I initiated sex, got mine, got up and took a shower and went to sleep. He was like "WTH?!" And I told him "It doesn't feel so good being used, does it?" As shitty of a husband he was, I never had any complaints about him in the bedroom except that one time.
    I am completely against withholding sex as a punishment. (I hate when women do it.) But I think it may be what you need to do. I wouldn't be worried about his needs if he's not worried about your's. And really, you're concerned he will go elsewhere if you don't put out? Sounds like a lack of orgasm is not your only problem.

    Answer by dmdblleb at 3:24 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I am right there with you!!!! I have been with him for a total of 3 1/2 yrs and I thnk its happend less then 10 times. Last time for me was back in July, but it was not enjoyable cause I was put in a situation where I felt uncomfortable and was to chicken shit to say something lol.. but usually if he drinks he more apt to doing so. I got the same thing "I have to be in the mood" BULL SH** talk to him and let him know. I recently have been telling my bf that I would like to have it done for me as well. sometimes it makes me feel like im dirty or something ya know? he always wants a BJ, says im the best ever that hes had, okay thats great but what about me?!! lol thanks for the compliment but u can only hear that so many times, I love sex, but I still get frustrated cause I dont get what I want.... tell him u will do for him but he has to do for you.

    Answer by mommyoftristan at 5:24 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I agree with pp. Go on strike. If you can't get it, neither can he... And if you are worried about him going elsewhere, you may have some trust issues with him. I have gone on a strike, a while back, and never ONCE did I assume he would get it somewhere else... If you can trust him to be faithful, you shouldn't have a problem.

    Answer by Mme.Langley at 5:37 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • yes sweetie what the ladies above me say if he dont want to give you what you need then you dont give him what he needs & see how he feels about that im sorry your going threw this i hope your evening gets better for you mama good luck

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 5:59 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • oops i meant i have only had self-induced orgasms since last year.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:57 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • First of all, I dont see why anon. posted 'lmao'.. I guess just to be a cunt, I cant think of any other reasons.. But I agree with you.. It should be a two way street.. My husband can be the same way sometimes, and I cut him off for a little bit and now he actually remembers that I have needs too.. GL to you.. Sorry this post probably wasnt any help, lol..

    Answer by xxMasonsMommaxx at 3:06 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I'd tell him do me or get none.

    Answer by lstrickland at 3:12 PM on Dec. 28, 2010