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advice please.

The relationship I have been in for the last 6 year hasn't been going well. I am so confused about everything. I love him but I feel mistreated all the time. I spent Christmas by myself. He had our two children with him at his aunts. I called twice wanting to talk to my children and I didn't get to. The last time I calle dI told him I wanted him to bring them home. He did at 6pm. He has cheated on me in the past. I just feel like he never wants to talk to me about my feelings. I will try to talk to him about something and he says I am bitching. So I have been talking to someone else since he left for 4 days. I know thats not alot but he came back. I feel like I don't want to be with him but them when I see him I do. I feel like I am lost without him. I don't really know how to tell him though that I think we need a break cause I don't really know what he is going to do since we are not fighting right now. I want to be civil. Advice please!!!

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mommyof2_1989

Asked by mommyof2_1989 at 5:29 PM on Dec. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (347 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • it sounds like there isn't much left there to even be "over" .... spending a special holiday apart on purpose is not a terrific sign. you're lonely, unhappy, he's cold and distant. I think you have your own answers. Be strong, brave, and hope for a clean break and as minimal stress on the kids as possible. You deserve someone who'll treat you well all the time.
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 5:32 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Why go through all the misery? Talk to him about your kids and try moving on to someone who is happy who YOU are and wants to be with you! Everyone needs to be with someone who supports them, loves them and brings some positiveness into their lives...get busy and have a great time finding that person!
    rebeccadac

    Answer by rebeccadac at 5:33 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I think it would be a good idea to try a seperation & see how it goes. Do you trust him after cheating? To me it sounds like he does not really care about you or your feelings.

    I would just leave if i could when he was not home, write a note & tell tell him that since he is a selfish person who cares nothing about me, that i am taking a break & going somewhere else for a bit. I would do it without even saying anything to hi, This way, there is no fight. And once you are gone, he might realize how much of a jerk he is.

    Me personally, i would not be with any man who treats me that way. I love myself & know i deserve better. So do you!
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 5:34 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Wait a second...he took your kids on Christmas and you weren't there??? That's F'ed! up!!
    Leave his ass...if you guys are gonna work thru this he needs to realize your needs need to be met. Your feelings are important. And if he doesn't wanna be the one to validate - move on! Someone will!
    cheekycherub

    Answer by cheekycherub at 5:34 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • You need to look at your kids and make that decision. Is it worth seeing you two fight? Is it worth Mommy being unhappy? If you are not happy then they are not going to be either. Im not saying soley base it on them but it may help to see it that way. You dont deserve to feel confused and you dont need a fight for a break to happen. Find your support system and believe in yourself. Weigh out the pros and cons. GL
    Steph319

    Answer by Steph319 at 5:35 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • If he doesn't think enough of you to take you with him on Christmas, that seems to me to be answer enough. It sounds like maybe you are just afraid of being alone, but there are things that are a lot worse. You have to respect yourself enough to draw some boundaries and enforce them, or you can never expect any man to respect you. I would break it off as soon as possible, and I would be honest with him about what you want. First you have to be sure you know what you want. Do you want to be married? Do you want to just be someone who is always available? It might help you to read the book entitled BOUNDARIES by Drs. John Townsend and Henry Cloud. I found that book to be very helpful in learning how to set boundaries and to enforce them.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:45 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

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