Our 13yo son has a friend that he's been friends with since they were 5 and they have always spent time together at our house & at their house. Our son is the youngest of 5 with his siblings being 26, 23yo twins & 20 and his friend is the only boy in the family with 3 older sisters (14, 15 and 16) and 2 younger sisters (12 and 11). We felt that it was a good friendship being that both needed a friend who was like a brother having no brothers close to their own age. My son has been going over there for YEARS (since he was 5) and his friend has been coming over here as well and we have 100% trusted this family. Well, yesterday we got a HUGE bombshell dropped on us. Their 14yo daughter is pregnant, our 13yo son is the father and the sex occurred while the parents were home & while our son and his friend were supposed to be spending time together. IMO, this falls somewhere on the responsibility of the parents of his friend being that it happened at their house but they came over in a rage, informed us that they are taking US to court for child support (we both have well paying careers so I am sure that it will be a tidy sum) and that if they can they'll sue us because our son got their daughter pregnant, that this was our fault for not raising him better, he should have known better than to have sex, etc.. She is 14 (15 in Feb.), he is 13 (just turned last month & was actually 12 when she got pregnant) and it happened at their house. Somehow I think that they have a little more of a hand in this happening than we do since we had no reason to suspect that our son was doing anything he shouldn't be and their daughter IS almost 2 full years older than our son so she knew a little more about the consequences than he did. Now, obviously, if our son is the father (of course a paternity test will be done) we have no issues helping out because he is responsible and until he is 16 he cannot even consider getting a job. We don't dispute his responsibilities if he is the father. I just think that they need to step back because they are a little more "at fault" than we are. I don't even know what my ? is exactly...I just need to vent. This is a HUGE shock.
Asked by Anonymous at 5:40 PM on Dec. 28, 2010 in Parenting Debate
Answer by gemgem at 6:17 PM on Dec. 28, 2010
Answer by gemgem at 6:18 PM on Dec. 28, 2010
They are mad, hurt, guilt ridden, and a myriad of other emotions..... Im sure they will eventually calm a bit. Yes, I agree if it came down to percentages they would have a greater percent of being at fault... but that is not what needs to be dealt with. A pregnant teen is the REAL issue and both their daughter and your son are in for a LONG haul as well as both families and all the siblings.
Let them vent and dont take it too personally they are going through a lot... and talking with out thinking... try to be the more adult adult here because you are now linked for life.
That was not to say you all arent going through a LOT too... just something about being the parent of the girl seems harsher... not to say it actually is... just perception.
Answer by Anonymous at 5:46 PM on Dec. 28, 2010
Answer by Mom2Just1 at 7:12 PM on Dec. 28, 2010
I know you are in shock and venting. But take a deep breath, step back and realize there is a baby coming into this world. You need to have a serious talk with the other adults in this situation. Who is the majority fault holder is irrelevant. Start looking at the big picture. Who will be the primary care giver? Is adoption an option? (Don't get crazy on me here, everything needs to be discussed.) What are every-one's hopes and dreams for ALL parties involved. This is not the blame game, there is a life at stake.
Call and set up some time to talk one on one right away. Be the bigger person and make the first move. :)
Answer by love2snorkel70 at 7:33 PM on Dec. 28, 2010
Answer by Mme.Langley at 6:05 PM on Dec. 28, 2010
Answer by lambdarose at 6:07 PM on Dec. 28, 2010
Answer by Misteh at 5:46 PM on Dec. 28, 2010
Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 PM on Dec. 28, 2010
Answer by mmmegan38 at 9:35 PM on Dec. 28, 2010