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Would it bother you... 'Step-family'

My step-grandmother and step-aunt have never bought me a Christmas or birthday present (Not even as a child-My dad married my step mom when I was 10, and I'm 35 now). I've never thought much of it, and I never buy for them, but my sister starting dating a man with children and I thought how weird would it be to NOT buy them a present. It's not really the present, it's the idea that it never occured to them.

I blew off Christmas at my Dad's this year, and I know it hurt my Dad's feelings but part of me thinks who care's? My Dad lives 20 minutes away and I have only seen him once in the last year. We talk on the phone about once a month. Every Christmas we go to his house and my dad, stepmom, step grandparents, and step aunt and uncle sit at the table for dinner- while my husband, me and the kids sit in the attached living room to eat. To top it off the grandmother brings two presents for the dogs to open every year, in front of my kids.

I sent my dad a text, saying sorry I didn't come (he sent a text saying he missed me) and to let him know he could come to my house for dinner this week and to just to let me know what his schedule looks like. He never texted me back and I refuse to call him.

Jeez, I'm 35 years old and having daddy issues. I feel like he just wants a family when it's convenient for him. Why doesn't he see that they act that way? Part of me thinks that I could try harder at the relationship, but then again this pattern was set up way before I was a grown up.

Thanks for listening. I would love to hear about other people's experiences with Steps. Maybe I'm expecting too much?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:07 PM on Dec. 28, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • When I married my husband I already had a daughter from a previous marriage. One side of his family took her in and included her immediately. The other side of his family pretty much ignored her until after we had children together; thankfully they included her in gifting when they started buying gifts for my younger children. My daughter never seemed to be upset by it, but as her mother it broke my heart; I was always very hurt for her. If I ever have step anything, especially children/grandchildren, I will definitely do whatever I can to make them feel welcome and part of the family.

    I suspect that as a mother it is hurting you more now that you are seeing your own children snubbed than it did to have that happen to yourself. Hugs!


    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 6:18 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • As a child I def. would have been hurt. I'm a divorced mother now and I always hope that if I marry again my husband's family would treat my children like family, and not like STEP family.

    Answer by genagina at 6:09 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Dont feel bad. My mom remarried when I was 17 years old and I dont get much of anything from that side either. Mind you, my mom and step dad tried to have more kids and couldnt so I am the only one they have. His mom, sister etc dont even acknowledge I exist. I look on the bright side, I dont have to buy them anything. I owe them nothing. And you know what>? I dont want to have to buy them something or owe them anything either.
    As for your dad well, he isnt going to change. My mom is a very self centered person from the "me" generation (baby boomers), and I accept she is that way. She lives 8 hours away, but could move by us. She refuses because my ex husband lives in this state (lol seriously). So we see her maybe every 3-4 yrs. Her loss. Just be happy you arent that way! I figure I learned how not to be from them.

    Answer by gemgem at 6:13 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I am a step parent, and my siblings are all married to spouses with kids. My parents have always brought the kids in as family, they do special things for them as if they were their own grand kids. I love all my nieces and nephews the same even if they aren't blood. I have always heard it takes a special person to be able to be accepting to step children but never understood. I guess this situation is how others could be treated. I am sorry for your trouble and that these people obviously don't know about compassion. Maybe it is time for new traditions! Good luck to you!!

    Answer by Andriya at 6:16 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I find that odd (about buying the dog gifts but not the step children). How would they like it if their blood was someone's 'step' and treated them that way!?

    I would just tell your dad what you wrote. He may not say anything to the family and it may not change anything but it is off your shoulders at least.

    Next year - invite him over instead of you going over there.

    Answer by cheekycherub at 6:10 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I have those problems with my mom so I leave it alone. The lack of drama and stress at holidays has made my life better

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:15 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • My step moms family did tht to me got big gifts for her kids and nothing or very little for me but my step mom was very good about getting me stuff to make up for w.e. I didnt get from her family so i got lucky there.

    Answer by Logan17000 at 7:28 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • i am surprised your dad let them act this way! i let my husband know real fast that my daughter would NOT be treated any differently ( he has been daddy to her since her 1st bday) and this was the 1st year we spent with his family as a family (last year we were still "dating" and we married early this year, have a new son) and his parents have spoiled her rotten since the first day they met her. and his brother as also.. but when his brother showed up for Christmas (which with his parents we celebrated the weekend before) and explained he hadnt finished shopping because he forgot we would have to celebrate early this year until his mom called him 3 days before... he had bought his mom sister and our son something.. i didnt say anything.. but when Christmas weekend came around I let my hubby know that if he doesnt have my daughter a gift also then i will let them know we have TWO children and if you buy for one you buy for 2

    Answer by Ross2010 at 10:43 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • Why on earth would step folks buy you gifts? They are not kin to you and what's the thing tonight about whiners wanting, wanting wanting gifts? That's just selfish. Would gifts make you a better person? I'm sorry but you sound very self absorbed. Dad has a life. You are a grown woman with your own family. People cant' just keep catering to you like you are a little girl.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:18 PM on Dec. 28, 2010