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Would you be mad if your MIL?

My SIL is due about 7 weeks before me. Well my DH and I found out last night that my MIL afforded to watch there baby the days that she is not working. She never even asked us if we needed her to watch our baby (and she knows we do). We are so upset. Would you say something or just let it go? I'm just really shocked by her. How can she pick and choose what grandchild she wants to take care of while her children are at work. I cant help but be bitter towards her.

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heatmac4

Asked by heatmac4 at 1:51 PM on Nov. 10, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 4 (29 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • DON'T BLAME YOU I WOULD BE TOO AND IF IT WERE ME I WOULD JUST GO UP AND ASK HER IF SHE'LL BE ABLE TO WATCH UR CHILD AFTER HE/HER IS BORN JUST SEE WHAT SHE SAYS. THEN TAKE IT FROM THERE BUT MAKE SURE YOU HUSBAND IS WITH YOU AND WILL BACK YOU UP NO MATTER WHAT.
    supermom63

    Answer by supermom63 at 2:02 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I don't think that is a reason to be mad. It is normal for a mother to go with her daughter before her son because usually they are able to see their grandchild more. I would let it go, you never know she may plan on offering a day here and there for you also.

    Christinemg0813

    Answer by Christinemg0813 at 2:02 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I had to think about this one a bit before I commented. Here is my thought on this, I would be upset like you are, but I would let it go. She might just know that she can't take on too many kids and picked who she thought would NEED the MOST help. She probably feels you and your DH can stand on your own, which in some ways is a good thing. Your SIL might just need a little more help and can't stand on her own. I would look at it that way, and let it go.

    I know it is possible that she just picked favorites but why stoop to her level if it is the case. :)
    Izzyscrazymom

    Answer by Izzyscrazymom at 2:06 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I've never really been a big fan of the argument that just because someone else gets something, I should get it too. Parents handle things differently with different children, since every child has a unique set of needs. This doesn't stop when the children reach adulthood. My father might offer my sister a loan, but under similar circumstances would offer me a stern lecture about managing my money better. And that's okay. We're different people and we have different relationships with him. If it bothers you that much, perhaps you (or better yet, your husband) could ask her if she would be willing to help you guys out with childcare as well. But I would not recommend approaching her with an angry attitude.
    BlueFrogMama

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 2:11 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • My MIL regularly watches my hubby's neice but, has never offered to watch our children. I just figure she gets more out of hubby's brother then she does us. I don't feed her, they do. We don't take her on our vacations to watch our kids because we take them with us they can't be bothered by their daughter so, she does things with her on their vacations.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 5:33 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • If I were honest with myself, and this was my situation, then yes I would be very upset. Especially if I knew my MIL was aware we needed the help. But I would also let it go because I wouldn't want to have negative feelings while I was about to bring home a baby. I would want to be excited and positive. Now you know what her plans are so you need to make your own plans in who is going to assist in caring for your child. Your SIL is due 7 weeks after you. So grandma may still have some time to spend with her son's newborn. Wait and see what happens. If in the future it becomes apparent that your child feels his grandmother does not love him or is hurtful - then step in. But until then you may just need to except what she is willing to give of her time.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:27 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Look on the bright side....if your MIL doesn't watch your child....she won't have all those "helpful" suggestions to you on how to raise your child. It sounds like a blessing in disquise! I despize my MIL so I say the less MIL the better!
    RentaMom

    Answer by RentaMom at 12:30 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

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