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3 Bumps

Daddy's Temper: How Can I Help Him To Feel More Comfortable Around Our Daughter??

I know that it takes fathers a little longer than mothers(typically) to adapt to a crying baby... but when your child is almost 6mo, how do you help him cope, adapt, and learn to handle himself when nothing he does comforts her?

My daughter is going on 6mo in Jan. and my husband is still pretty heavy-handed with her and gets aggravated/annoyed/angry with our daughter when she cries, seems to rather her sleep if he has to watch her alone because he'd rather not be... I don't think this is the right word, it seems a little harsh but, bothered by her if she's awake... she's hitting that "needy" stage.

This issue has put a strain, not only on his and our daughter's bond, but mine and his relationship as well. I do my best to comfort him and somewhat walk him through things that I do to soothe her... but he seems to take it personally and it only makes things worse. I hate to say this, but sometimes i decline going out with family or friends because I am THAT uncomfortable with leaving her with him unless its AFTER I put her to bed for the night..

Any suggestions??

Answer Question
 
MicheleB.

Asked by MicheleB. at 8:59 PM on Dec. 28, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 4 (51 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Sometimes the only thing you can do is to leave them together to figure it out. Meaning you have to be gone from the house. If you are over his shoulder, he will probably feel like you doubt his ability to handle her.

    he will have a different parenting style that you will. That may make you uncomfortable. Surely you don't really believe that he will harm her.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:03 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I hate to say it but he's got to realize this is the best it gets. If he can't handle a 8 month old he's not going to be able to handel a 2 yr old, toddler, tween or teen,
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 9:06 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • oh goodness NO! not intentionally at least... but he's pretty rough with her... if shes crying and doesnt show signs of letting up he will "sneak up" and scare her.. and this only makes her cry WORSE. then he gets even madder that shes worse... yes i wish our styles were a little more similar... but.. idk
    MicheleB.

    Comment by MicheleB. (original poster) at 9:07 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • It sounds like he is in the trial and error phase. When this happens, do you swoop in and take over? If so, you could be discouraging him from learning his own style and coping mechanisms.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:09 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • thats what i think i am afraid of... is him not realizing that and not being able to handle it... :(
    My daughter comes before ANY relationship/man... father or not... :(
    i just want to help... but i dont know how... :(
    MicheleB.

    Comment by MicheleB. (original poster) at 9:09 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • You have to let go and give him room to make mistakes and learn from them without trying to tell him how to do it. Men don't learn that way. They have to figure it out themselves. If you take over when he seems to be floundering, he will give up and it will be back to step one next time which will only make him that much more frustrated.

    He has to figure it out just like you did by mistakes and education on his own.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:12 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • i have done that yes... but only when i see that he is getting to the point that he wants to give up. there have been times that he has actually snapped at ME because I left him to figure it out... I know that he is flustered, ive been there...

    should i still leave him to figure things out on his own even though he gets to that point? would that help him to get past that??
    MicheleB.

    Comment by MicheleB. (original poster) at 9:12 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • It's really hard on us moms. We feel like we are the only ones that know what to do and how to do it the quickest. That makes it that much harder to let someone else take over.

    Get out of the house...for an hour. Go do the shopping and leave them home. Try it once a week and then the next couple weeks take longer to come back...then more frequent. He will get it, just not with you there holding your breath and making him feel intimidated by mom.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:15 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • I appreciate your advice.
    did you have this same problem??
    If yes, is that how you coped??
    MicheleB.

    Comment by MicheleB. (original poster) at 9:17 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

  • A couple of things, leave them together; let them bond on their own. The other, let him watch you interact and care for your daughter. We had somewhat of the same problem and I noticed that even though I didn't think my husband was paying attention he was. I started to see him interact with our daughter the way I was, talk to her the way I was, and just do what I was doing since he saw it working. Once he has that relationship with her then he can do what works out best for him but sometimes they just need to be showed what to do :)
    greensavvymama

    Answer by greensavvymama at 9:25 PM on Dec. 28, 2010

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