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4 Bumps

He still works with the *hore he cheated with.

He is trying to find a new job and I told him he is not allowed to work with her and if he does he can either quit on spot or I will quit and leave. The schedule has been changed for the most part but there is a day this week they are supposed to work together. I can't deal with that, it happened at work and I am not going to sit at home the entire time wondering what their doing. He is assistant manager of a restaraunt and she is a waitress. He would wait until closing when everyone left and push booths together to get it on. Am I being unreasonable? He said he will tell the boss he can't be there with her (the boss knows) or he will have to quit. But I know he does need a job until he can find a new one. I work and we could make do on what I make but it would be really hard. I am so mad at him for putting us in this spot. Not just for the affair but for making it affect his job and our bills. His boss basically told him to look for another one but that she wouldn't fire him, however. What have you done or would do if you were me?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Dec. 29, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • You are not being unreasonable! He violated the trust and love of your marriage and put your family in a bind. He needs to quit and get his shit together to show he is serious about your relationship so you can mend the tear or you NEED to leave. I know it hurts and I am sorry you have to go through it.
    maggiebella25

    Answer by maggiebella25 at 10:25 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • If my so cheated Id BE GONE!!!!
    ErinML

    Answer by ErinML at 10:23 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I would have kicked him to the curb that first time, betrayal is not something I could live with, you will have this looming over your relationship for ever, this is one of the many reasons it would not work for me. You are not being unreasonable, you have been burned and being sensitive, a totally normal reaction, but these and many more are the things you go through when you forgive betrayal.

    older

    Answer by older at 10:26 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • he has to earn a living. You two need to work thru the trust issues. You are going to have to learn to trust him at some point. Jobs are hard to find. Know what time he gets out of work and be sure he comes straight home.
    You cannot realistically behave like you are doing....you will either push him away, back into her arms...or become the nut job he can't stand being around and he will end the relationship with you.
    You know he cheated and you decided to stay with him...now comes the hard part where you BOTH have to rebuild trust
    justgrape723

    Answer by justgrape723 at 10:29 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I think you're being unreasonable. First of all, if my dh cheated he'd be thrown out. I've been down the road with an ex where he thought cheating was an Olympic sport so I would never let myself get hurt like that again. However, since you decided to give your dh another chance then you have to give him another chance. The woman probably feels a little awkward now too. Your husband is an assistant manager. It's not like he can just walk into another restaurant and automatically be a manager. For all you know she'll quit. I know it sucks, but you have to deal with it. If he's going to cheat again with her he probably has her phone number anyway so working together doesn't really matter. If he wants to cheat he'll find a way.
    bseastrand

    Answer by bseastrand at 10:31 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I would kick him out. The trust is gone.
    melissasue38

    Answer by melissasue38 at 10:28 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • still needs to bring in an income, unless he has something lined up to immediately go to, I wouldn't stop working (in this economy) until I had something else to go to 1st.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 10:34 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • No, your not being unreasonable. He put his self and your family in that spot. I would not want him around her either, but the cheating is not good.

    If she knows you are together, she is a skank you don't get involved, in other peoples relationship.

    Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. Try to work this out until he gets another job, I know it will be hard but whose to say he won't go to the next woman... Good luck!!!!

    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:37 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • It takes two to cheat. He's just as much to blame as you are blaming her. But, you are willing to allow him back?
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 10:47 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • If he is assistant manager and she is just a waitress it should be as easy as him either telling her or having the manager tell her that she is not to come into work that day. He out-ranks her and has authority above her.

    And he should be applying at everywhere including McDonalds to get out of there. I know the times are tight in the job market right now but there are jobs out there. I found one in less than 2 weeks. If you think you can even make it a month on your salary alone tell him to quit.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 10:51 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

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