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How do I get my daughter's live in boyfriend to help more around the house?

My daughter a single mom aged 27, son age 5 and her boyfriend now live with us. Boyfriend pays $400 month rent. He cooks food and then leaves all his mess for me to clean up. I come home every night after work to a sink full of dirty dishes and cooked food left out on the counter hours after it was cooked. Once in a rare while he will help carry out trash. How can I get him to do some housework like he would have to if he was living on his own? This is a serious problem. My daughter has tried to talk to him and he wont listen.

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horsegal2760

Asked by horsegal2760 at 11:05 AM on Dec. 29, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 12 (780 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I would explain that the $400 he pays in rent per month covers heat, electric, water, mortgage/rent etc. but does NOT include maid service. If he would like maid service, you will need another $200 per month. That should work!!
    Elise1968

    Answer by Elise1968 at 11:08 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I totally agree. Make a chore list and change it out like every 2 weeks so chores are rotated. You could even go as far to write the 5 year old on there telling him to do homework and clean up his room :). That way no one feels singled out and can actually sometimes help the flow of things.
    SarahsAMommy

    Answer by SarahsAMommy at 11:09 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Good luck. I still battle with DH to help around the house and he doesn't even work.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 11:10 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • In response to all your questions, I would never have allowed a live in boyfriend if an adult child were living with me. Money or no money, it's your house.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:10 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Tell him that if he doesn't clean up his nastiness, that you will have to ask him to move out. Stop tip toeing around this fellow & give him an ultimatum. I would not even care if it pissed off DD...my house, my rules! I would not have that AT ALL! I work very hard to keep my house clean & if i had to pick up after someone who always made messes & expected someone else to clean it up, i would FREAK OUT on that person. I don't think i would even be nice about if i had already asked more than once.

    You need to talk to him, not your DD. And if he does not do it, tell him he needs to leave by this time. And if he does not, call the cops. I would not have ANYONE live in my house that did not respect me or my rules!
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:11 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Post it around the house.

    You cook it, you clean it.... You drop it you pick it up.

    This is your house, and your rules. You need to sit down and talk to him. If he won't listen to the woman, you need to be stern not nasty and say what needs to be done. Maybe, he honestly don't realize it bothers you. You should not come home from work, and have to clean. Tell him, I am going to treat you like a son, and the same rules that apply for my daughter apply for you. Keep up with your mess.

    Good luck.... He should respect that.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:11 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Why not be up front and let him know how serious it is and just how tired you are when you come home from work? If by chance nothing changes after you speak with him, "transfer" his mess to his room or some other area he enjoys going to, in order to let him know just how serious you are. This may sound childish but how many times in how many ways can you get the point across? Hope something 'clicks' to make him clean up his act.
    Ema3

    Answer by Ema3 at 11:12 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • In response to all your questions, I would never have allowed a live in boyfriend if an adult child were living with me. Money or no money, it's your house.
    This is my response also. You are not a maid service and I would just politely tell him that rent does not include maid service and that he has to clean up after his self.
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 11:13 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Oh dear... I feel for you! My mother had the same situation with my sister recently, she was going through a divorce with 3 toddlers, moved in to my mother's and the boyfriend followed, and they had the same issues. I could not believe my mother allowed it but my sister didn't even ask for permission, just moved him in. In my opinion, I would never allow a "boyfriend" to move into my private home, I would help my children if they ever needed it, but NOT their lovers, unless they were husbands. But in your situation, I am sorry to say that if your daughter already asked him to clean after himself and he won't, that says everything about who he is and how much respect and education he has. He needs to move out in my opinion, this won't get any better. Sorry, good luck!
    Moietmesenfants

    Answer by Moietmesenfants at 11:35 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Help out or move out.
    melissasue38

    Answer by melissasue38 at 11:50 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

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