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3 Bumps

how do I get him to quit smoking in my house?

My daughter a single mom aged 27, son age 5 and her boyfriend now live with us. Boyfriend pays $400 month rent. He smokes in their bedroom and throws the cigarettes out the window. Even though I smoke, I have never smoke in my own house, but rather go outside to smoke. I detest the smell of smoke as even with their door shut upstairs, I can still smell it in the other rooms. My daughter has tried asking him to quit in the house but he won't. To me it's a lack of respect for our beliefs. She is afraid if she pushes him that he will move out and honestly, we need his rent money to survive.

 

I should add he is not the father of our 5 yr old grandson but he is trying to be a daddy. They want to get married but are waiting for his divorce from his cheating wife to become final.

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horsegal2760

Asked by horsegal2760 at 11:08 AM on Dec. 29, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 12 (780 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • In response to all your questions, I would never have allowed a live in boyfriend if an adult child were living with me. Money or no money, it's your house.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:10 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • You'll have to decide exactly how badly you need that rent money....you can give him an ultimatum and tell him that smoking indoors is absolutely NOT allowed at your home, but you'll need to be prepared that if you stick to your guns, he may decide to move out anyway. If you just cannot live without his rent money, and he's unwilling to stop what he's doing, then you'll just have to suck it up and deal with it.

    Frankly, he sounds like a jerk for smoking indoors when there's a child in there anyway, and your daughter should do a better job of protecting her son.
    vicesix

    Answer by vicesix at 11:11 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • It's your house your rules! Yes he pays rent but if he rents a place that says no smoking inside then he'd be kicked out faster than anything! Tell him you are asking him nicely before you have to take the next step. Also, go so far as to see if there is any program that can help pay bills if his lame butt has to go!

    On another note, I'm a smoker... AND I FLAT OUT REFUSE TO SMOKE IN MY HOUSE!!!! I wouldn't even do it before I had my son! I can't stand the way it makes my stuff smell. (odd yes I know)
    SarahsAMommy

    Answer by SarahsAMommy at 11:12 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Throw his things out the window and change the locks.
    tommy_mommy

    Answer by tommy_mommy at 11:12 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I would tell him that even though he is paying rent it is your home and that there is no smoking in it. If he can not abide by these rules then tell him good luck finding a place that has rent for what you are asking him to pay you....that or tell him that since he is smoking in your home then his rent will need to go up to 500 a month. This way you can have someone come in and clean up after his smoke.....I am the same way with you. I used to smoke in my home....then I had a kid....now I cant stand it when someone smokes in their home. The smell just lingers there and its awful. Good luck and I hope you find something that works.
    Shelii

    Answer by Shelii at 11:13 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Sometimes smokers don't realize that others smell the smoke both on them and in the air. I had a friend who quit, and she said that she always waved the smoke away when she was smoking around others, and she thought nobody would smell it. She said it wasn't until she quit that she realized that people still smell it even if you wave it away with your hand. So he may think that smoking in his room, with the windows open apparently, that nobody else is affected. In a kind and pleasant and polite way, tell him that you know he thinks nobody else is bothered by the smoke, that he probably feels that nobody else can smell it, but that others can, and so this is why you go outside to smoke and please would he do the same. Keep it polite and pleasant, not an order, but a request for cooperation, you might even say hey let's go outside and smoke together. If he won't, then a fan in the window to exhaust the air from the (more.)
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:14 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • room. And if there are two windows, have them open the one and exhaust the air from the other.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 11:14 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • House rules, you don't smoke in your house, he don't either.

    OMG< you seriously have to lay down the law, whether he is paying or not.

    He sounds like he is taking advantage, but you are talking to the wrong person.... Tell him, and make it clear that you are not having it. If he pays or not, there are certain things you don't allow in your house.... Good Luck!!!!
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:15 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I wouldn't let anyone to smoke into the house. We even have two smoke alarms. Tell him if he doesn't stop smoking you will kick him out of the house. I would never allow to a grown-up child to live in my house with a live in boyfriend. They can go and rent a room somewhere else. And you can rent your room for someone else. So you still will get the money you need but you can write a renting agreement what says where to smoke and where to put the cigarette's ends. It is not a tragedy if he moves out. You can get money from somewhere else. Really. Hugs.

    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 11:16 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • wow, this is the same guy who doesn't clean up? OK he has no respect for you! You need to let your inner bitch shine & tell him that he needs to leave if he cannot respect you or your house rules. The fact that he pays rent means NOTHING, it's still YOUR house!

    I agree with tommo_mommy...that is what i would do. I DO NOT handle disrespect well at all!
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:18 AM on Dec. 29, 2010

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