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4 Bumps

Is it really possible to love someone elses kids like your own?

I am dating a guy, just dating at this point. He has 6 year old twins whose mother is completely out of there life. I have a 3 year old. But he has a dad. So I'm just wondering if this gets serious if I can really love these kids like I'm their mother. I'm not selfish, I'm very loving. But my son is the most important thing in the world to me. And it just seems weird that even when he was with his dad, I would still be raising these other kids. And I get we are just dating but I feel it's not fair to keep dating him if I don't feel like I can be an awesome mother to his kids one day.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:24 PM on Dec. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (22)
  • It's possible. But if you're having these thoughts already, then it may not be possible for you.
    tommy_mommy

    Answer by tommy_mommy at 2:25 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Love them...yes. Like your own...NO! Just my opinion!
    mommy2karsyn

    Answer by mommy2karsyn at 2:26 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I think take your time, get to know everyone and go from there.
    TARARENEE

    Answer by TARARENEE at 2:27 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I think it's a very personal issue that only you can answer. I have children from a previous marriage and my SO does not. However, if he did, I would love them like my own. It's just part of how I am.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 2:28 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • IT is totally up to you and the children. I know really amazing step-mums who are mama bears for their step children as well as their own ones. So everything is possible if you want something. If you don't want than nothing is possible. So you should decide if you want to make an effort to be the twins mum one day or not. I don't think anyone can answer for this question but your heart.:)

    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 2:28 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • You are right. It's not fair to keep dating him if you feel that you can not be a mother to his kids.

    It IS possible to love kids that aren't you own. My dad is not my biological father. He is my stepfather. He has been there for me since I was 6 years old.
    I had the opportunity to be a mother to kids that weren't biologically mine either. They came into my life when they were 6 and 4 and my x husband had custody of them as their mother didn't want them. They are now 22 and 20. I love them very much and I am grateful that I had the opportunity to raise such amazing young men.
    If you feel like you can't do it, then please leave that man. Those kids deserve better.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 2:29 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • You are thinking too much of this situation...let it flow. The more you are around his kids the better it will be.
    mom42107

    Answer by mom42107 at 2:30 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Yes, it is. My brother was 9 and I was six when my stepdad married my mom. My "father" was pretty much non-existant, and has really never played an influencing role in my life. Even after my stepdad and mom had two children of their own, I never felt "displaced" or unloved. My stepdad IS my DAD. He raised me, taught me life's most important lessons, etc. Never once did I ever feel like I wasn't "his" child - as he reminded me often that I WAS his child. Blood does not make a parent.
    Fawn80

    Answer by Fawn80 at 2:30 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I really dont know I have stepkids and honestly I love them but like my own?..No i dont. I see my kids everyday I carried them, etc. I think if I was raising them in my home as my own over time I would but seeing them so little I cant form a bond that strong, so for myself I just dont see me ever loving another persons child my SO's or not as much as my own,. But i think as long as you dont treat his children any different and make the effort to bond with them thats what counts. There is no right or wrong way to love someone.
    rhonda111787

    Answer by rhonda111787 at 2:31 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I think it is very possible, but I also think it is very individual. For me, it would be a non-issue, but for someone else it may be a huge issue. Since the relationship is not yet very serious, I would just go with the flow & see it where it leads you. Then, if it appears that things are getting more serious, that is the time to have a discussion with the fellow, because I'm sure he shares your concerns too.
    mom2aspclboy

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 2:34 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

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