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2 Bumps

Borrowing $ from family

I made a mistake with an electronic debit that will go through tomorrow thinking tomorrow is my payday. It turns out my payday isn't till Friday but to the company I owe money to, the 31st is a banking holiday and by the 1st my bill is considered late. Now it's too late to change anything. I called the bank. Sure the debit will get paid but I will be charged for it. So I call my mom for help. I ask her to transfer the amount into my account so it clears and I'll transfer it back the next day when my direct deposit goes through. I thought it was a simple solution. It saves me overdraft fees. This is a mistake I have never made before. I am a single mom. I raise 2 kids on $13 an hour before taxes and no child support. I live paycheck to paycheck. I got rid of my car so that I could pay bills and the debts of my failed marriage. I pay for my children's health and dental insurance because my employer doesn't offer family coverage. I put 100-200 a month towards a debt on my credit report so that I can fix it and buy a home one day. I pay for my life insurance in case something should happen to me. I don't even have cable because it's an unnecessary expense at this point. Well, my mom yelled at me. She told me I'm 24 and I have to get it together and that I'm irresponsible. When she started criticizing my parenting, I told her to forget it. Then according to her I was "acting like a brat. Just do it but never again." I said no. I'd rather deal with the stress of the lost money to overdraft fees than this. I'm 24 and I chose to be a mom and it's time to suck it up and do it on my own. I even went into my wallet to cut up the credit card her sister, my aunt, gave me in case of an emergency (because it comes with strings attached).

Am I out of line? I want honesty. I don't want to come off as a brat who didn't get her way and expects everyone else to fix it. I just feel like if it's not coming from a good place, I don't want it. I don't want to beg for help and have it used against me.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Dec. 29, 2010 in Money & Work

Answers (5)
  • I've only borrowed money from family once. I definitely try to avoid it.
    MrsMWF

    Answer by MrsMWF at 7:10 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I have learned over the years that I will take care of me and my kids and will not ask for anyone's help. I KNOW my Mom would help if she could, but I remember when I was in my teens and with my first baby. My Daddy had made the comment to my Brother that I only come over when I want something. He never hardly did anything for me, he did more for his Girlfriends than me. Anyway, just like you...I never asked him for anything...I don't even speak to him, haven't in about 9 years or so....a lot of different reasons I don't talk to him, but anyway just sharing that I understand where you're coming from. I work and come home to my family and holidays are here with them as well. Family is something else when they want to be.
    luvmy4kidsinAL

    Answer by luvmy4kidsinAL at 7:14 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Unfortunately, that's just how some families are. I don't know if they think it's "tough love" or just that you're an easy scapegoat for her frustrations.

    I asked my mom once to pay for concert tickets on her credit card and I would give her CASH on the spot for them. I had the money, but didn't have a credit card to order them. She went off about the interest and how it wasn't teaching me to be financially responsible. I said "nevermind", called the company and they were MORE THAN HAPPY to sell me the tickets over the phone with my debit card.

    Now, 15 years later, she emailed me a picture of something SHE wants and wanted me to put it on my credit card and she'll pay me back. Why is she not ordering it herself? Because she doesn't "feel safe" putting her CC info online. (But, apparently, it's okay for ME to do so. Huh?)

    I'd rahter PAWN something than ask for help now.
    geminilove

    Answer by geminilove at 7:16 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • No I don't think you are out of line. Congrats for keeping it together. That's a hard task when you're a single mom with two kids.

    In the future though, be sure to keep a small buffer in your checking account. I know errors can occur on your side, but sometimes the bank makes errors too.

    If you can, maybe sell something and deposit the money into the account. Most banks allow ATM deposits.
    Erica_Smerica

    Answer by Erica_Smerica at 7:52 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Well, you sound very responsible to me. I think your mother was VERY HARSH. And I completely agree with you......don't help me if you're going to hold it over my head...who needs that? Gosh, she's your mother you'd think she'd be more supportive. My friend rents from my old landlord and called to ask me what I think he'd say if she paid her rent a little late. I never paid late there so I couldn't answer that, but I asked her how much she needed. It was $75 and I said that I'd lend it to her and to pay me back when she got paid. I did and she paid me back. No big deal and no need to ever mention it again. Some people are ridiculous about money. If you trust the person, it should be simple. ESPECIALLY $13...wow, I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 6:32 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

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