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sorry it's long...but new here and needed to vent

I've been married to my husband for 8 years, together for 11. We married when I was 19 he was 22. He was my high school sweetheart, and at the time when we got married I was depressed and dropping out of college, feeling like I had no where to turn. I always felt like he took care of me, and ran right straight to him, honestly I feel like I pushed the marriage. I just felt lost and young, and scared. I love my husband, with the kind of love you have for someone who has been there for you and your famiy (single mom and two younger sisters) I do understand that love is a choice. I'm just having a hard time choosing to love him everyday. We had a daughter three years after being married, and when she was two we seperated for six months. I became involved with someone else, as did he. The man I became involved with was actually my best friend. We were together from July until January. He is in the military and when I drove him back to the airport to say good-bye. I knew I needed it to be forever. I had a little girl. My family loved my husband, he was a good man. I couldn't break all that up. So I did what I had to. We tore the divorce papers in half, my husband broke up with his girlfriend, and I ceased all communication with my bf. I ignored all calls, texts and emails. I threw away pictures and letters from years and years of friendship. I tossed the journal and letter he wrote me from high school. The sweatshirt he left behind. The diamond necklace he placed around my neck, saying "eventually you'll get a ring...cuz it was always you." Everything. I pretended he didn't exsist so I could love my husband and provide a the family that everyone wanted. It's been three years and I still can't forget about the best friend I no longer have. We did start talking again, (have been for about six months) but maybe once a month, just to say hi, and check in. I'm a Christian. I beleive that when you make a choice to be married that you stay married. But I still love my best friend. I honestly think about him EVERY DAY. I just want to learn to love my husband like I need to, and not think about the other part of my past. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep, sometimes I just think and don't fall asleep at all. I know what needs to be done. I know I need to get over my past. But I can't. I threw everything out. I threw myself into trying to show my husband and my family that this is what I wanted...because sometimes it's not about what you want but about the choice that you have already made...right? How do I get over this? I want more kids so badly, but it's even starting to affect that decision...I don't want to bring more kids into the mix if I'm not really happy...or do I just "keep on keepin on?" I'm scared to be alone. My dad left when my sisters and I were young, he left my mom for someone else. My parents stayed together for 14 years, sleeping in seperate beds for almost TEN! My dad is an alchoholic, and I wanted to prove to my family that I wasn't going to be another statistic going after someone like her father. So I have been with someone since I was 15. That being my husband. The only other guy I have every been with was my best friend. I don't want to live my ife alone, I have watched my mom do that for the last 15 years, but I don't want to live my life in a "just ok" state either. Also (and this might be a bit tmi-sorry) but I don't ever want to have sex with my dh. I just lay there, and sometimes cry. I don't like to be touched or kissed by him. I feel so uncomfortable. We laugh and have fun together, but I feel like he's my brother. I don't know how to change my feelings. I want nothing more than to be able to just be happy with where I am. I have prayed, I have tried to focus only on him, I have tried to close my eyes during sex and make my self feel things that I'm not. None of it seems to work. I'm confused...Words of advice would be appreciated...Thanks ladies :)

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mommy4MT

Asked by mommy4MT at 11:26 PM on Dec. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (114 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • Honey, you already ARE a statistic... one the MILLIONS of women staying ion a bad marriage. You got married because you diodn't really know what else to do That ALSO makes you a statistic. Staying i na bad marriage because it's the Christian thing to do? ALSO a statistic.

    Don't worry about statistics. Get into counseling TOMORROW. I'm dead serious. It may lead to you dissolving the marriage. But you don't ha real marriage here.

    Let me tell something. I just a note from a cousin that I haven't heard from in years. Learned that she had divorced her husband of 30 years back in 2005... she'd married young and was UNHAPPY in the marriage. And she was about 20 when she got married.

    She has since found the love f her life and is VERY happy. But she dealt with bg unhappy till she was in her 50s! Don't do the same to yourself. It doesn't honor God to live a lie.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:40 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • If it's not what YOU want then you already know what to do
    1LovelyAngel

    Answer by 1LovelyAngel at 12:05 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • If you want to vent more and fit more, you can go here and vent all you want.  Good luck!

    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 2:05 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

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