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Do you think you should change for the person you love?

I dont know if i really love this man yet but my boyfriend of 3 months freaked out on me today because apparently i cut him off while speaking. I dont mean to do it and i do try to catch myself. But he said to me today if i dont stop that we arent going to work. This really makes me mad because ive stuck by him through the roughest times of his life he was involved with drugs and cops and i stuck by him while he made his change for the better. While he approched me about this he worded it as " Can you stop f*cking cutting me off" idont feel that was appropriate & ive NEVER talked to him that way. So my question is do you feel i should change myself in that way for him or do you think i should move on to the next?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Dec. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Well if you do cut people off mid sentence it would be a wise thing to consider stopping but don't do it for him do it for you. If he's talking to you like that now just imaging how bad its going to get later down the road.
    aheuszel

    Answer by aheuszel at 11:51 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I can't tell you what to do, but what you wrote raised huge red flags for me. Whether you cut him off or not, this man was not speaking to you with respect. You've been with him 3 months and he's been in that much trouble? It's always good for us to try to improve in ways like this (and we all have bad habits like you described), but I think the bigger issue here is whether or not you are in a good situation. Please treat yourself well by making sure you are in a safe situation and will be treated with the respect you deserve.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:52 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • I agree with the first two posters!
    idaspida

    Answer by idaspida at 11:53 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • has anyone ever mentioned that you do this to them? I would ask a few people, and if it's not just him, then you know that you may have a problem. If it's just him, then he may be a bit too needy and need more attention than you can give him.
    PS...not to be mean, but "he was involved with drugs and cops" Make sure your not trying to fix him......or giving too much to the relationship and he's not giving enough. It will bite you in the butt later if the relationship isn't balanced. GL!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • He sounds like a control freak... Do whats best for you and your child.
    DancerMomof2

    Answer by DancerMomof2 at 11:56 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • There are certain things you can do in a relationship that can better it. Little things you can change that are a comprimise with your partner. Those things, however, are more like rinsing off your dishes and putting the toilet paper on the holder how they like it. However, things that do with your personality, your behavior, etc can only truely be changed if you want to change them. Not for them either, but for yourself. You change for other people, especially when you don't want to, and you'll never truely change. You'll only be pretending and that only leads to you resenting your "change" and the person who asked you to do it. Ultimately pushing you back into old habits. There are things that I have changed for the benefit of my family and relationship, but they were souly things I felt I should change. My husband has NEVER asked anything of me that he didn't feel would benefit us and our family. Especially if I didn't want
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:57 PM on Dec. 29, 2010

  • Don't spend another minute with him or on him.. He is not the guy for you . He should love you regardless. He sounds self absorbed.. I tend to talk over my husband from time to time but we love each other so much that doesn't get in the way of us being together.. He does stuff that annoys me so its a compromise to make work. He sounds like he is looking for reasons to end it and sounds like he is quick tempered. You need someone understanding and patient. I'd tell him how he responded to you Hurt your feelings explain how you would never talk to him in that manner.. and then sayy for that reason "THIS ISN"T GOING TO WORK" YOu go MAma!! and good Luck Really seriously listen to me I am giving you the best advice available! xo
    staciepi

    Answer by staciepi at 12:27 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • You shouldn't have to change at all. Figure out if the things that are being ask of you to change are worth it. Like say if he wanted you to get breast inplants or loose weight or act a certain wayy.. I would say Its not going to work and quick while your ahead. If its a small change like picking up a wet towel off the floor because the other person works hard to keep the place clean... Id say I'd change that... pick the towell up but when someone is asking you to change who you are or how you act or what you look like.. Its a control thing. Be yourself! and be with someone who deserves your love like your deserve theirs..
    staciepi

    Answer by staciepi at 12:29 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I also say in the future be conscious of talking over someone. Its funny I have that same problem. I honestly don't mean to. So when I can help it I try not to.. and sit back and listen more.
    staciepi

    Answer by staciepi at 12:31 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • What you did was flat out rude. I don't blame him for what he said.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 1:58 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

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