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Adopting children from other countries...part vent!

OMFreaking Gosh..

So I'm talking to my sister about childbirth and commenting on the video a mom posted earlier of a man simulating birth. She tells me she wants to have one child and then adopt and Asian little boy. I screamed. It's not the race of the child at all, its the idea that she wants to adopt a child that is from another country. Call me what you want but this little Hollywood trend thats been going on really pisses me off. Do they not have any idea how many kids are in the foster care system?? An estimated 463,000 children are in foster care, that was as of 2008!!

Why? Why do the children they adopt NEED to be from other countries. Will children here not be as grateful? Are they not as cute? What is it? Will someone please explain it to me? Maybe I am just not seeing it as they are. If you know why this is please tell me. I won't argue. I'll actually be quite grateful to know what its about once and for all.


Asked by 4xsthetrouble at 12:57 AM on Dec. 30, 2010 in Politics & Current Events

Level 21 (11,387 Credits)
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Answers (34)
  • cont

    and he (the judge) felt that having her son back might help provide her with the stability and motivation that she needed to get her life together. So, instead of terminating her rights and allowing them (the only family that he had known for his entire 2 yr long life) to adopt him, they had to give him back to his mom. The little boy is now 10, his mom is still on drugs, and he is living with his dad and grandma (they're now back in contact with the dad, so they know what's going on) - this is instead of living with her and her dh in a stable, loving home. Needless to say, it broke their hearts.

    So, while I agree that there are a lot of kids in the US that need love, the system isn't always as concerned with getting these kids into loving homes as it should be, so those homes look elsewhere for kids who also need to be loved, and are easier to get.

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:50 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • You realize, don't you, that the majority of children in the foster system are not available to be adopted? Many are placed with families or other relatives who would love to adopt them, but the courts will not sever the birth parents rights. Instead they just keep getting second, third, eighth, twelfth chances, while their kids are bounced on and off the system.

    Answer by NotPanicking at 1:05 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • True, many children in the foster system aren't adoptable - and then again, thousands ARE!

    There are tons of kinds of adoption and each person feels a personal draw to whatever their avenue of choice is.... not to minimize it at all (yes, I've adopted myself - more than once) - but there are different choices because we're all different.

    Has your sister educated herself about the options for adoption? If she has and she feels Asia is what's best - go for it :)

    One thing I'd caution about - is that no child should be expected to feel gratitude because they were adopted. Adoption is a painful thing for the adoptee and if the adoptive parents are expecting a child to express or feel that they've done them a huge favor by "saving them" then everyone is going to fail in the relationship.

    part 1....

    Answer by AAAMama at 1:18 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • You realize not everyone can adopt in the USA. Someone like Angelina Jolie has had mental issues no agency in the US is going to allow her to adopt so to adopt she had to go outside the USA. How many foster care kids have you taken in? Until you do adopt or care for a Foster care child I wouldn't be so quick to judge others who are actually helping kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I have friends that have adopted from other countries and they do so because they don't want to risk the mother being able to enact her rights to take the child back. I also know of some foster families that have wanted to adopt the kids they have taken in from foster care and they aren't able to do so. When you consider how parents (be it birth or adoptive or guardianship) bond with their kids, it's hard to think of signing up for the very real possibility that the child you bond with will be taken from your care and placed back in the situation they were originally taken out of.  There are probably more reasons.  Oh, and the family that I know that adopted from China, the DH is actually Chinese so they naturally picked from his heritage.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 1:26 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I agree 100% with you, I have a friend who adopted 2 kids (separate times) from Romania. They were infants, I asked her the same question and her answer was that she was afraid the birth paents would have a change of heart and that by adopting a child from an orphanage in another country the chances were significantly lower.

    Answer by Kathy675 at 1:05 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • The quality of life and chances for success for an orphaned Asian or African child is vastly different from an American in foster care. If your sister is so lucky as to be allowed to adopt an Asian boy (girls far, far outnumber boys), he will likely have some physical defect or disability that makes him unwanted.

    If your sister is serious about wanting an Asian child, the process is expensive and can take years. Potential parents are thoroughly screened and interviewed beforehand. A close friend of mine adopted two Chinese children, and he told me there are only around 5,000 international adoptions allowed a year, so they are very particular.

    My friend was definitely not following the latest trend when they chose to go thru the adoption process twice. He has an enormous heart and wanted to open his home to a little girl and deaf boy who would have likely grown up in complete poverty in China otherwise.

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 1:19 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • part 2... Another "perk" to many with international adoption is the very slim possibility of the natural parents/family ever just showing up or being part of the child's life.

    Yes, Hollywood has made adoption kind of a "trend" and it's sickening. But, that might not be where your sister is coming from.

    Another issue is people assume children from the foster system are "messed up" and some DO have some issues - but chidlren from international orphanages can and do have issues as well. Adoption is painful - ripping apart the relationship with the mother we're born to is painful - and yes, children DO know it. It comes with challenges and hurts that bioligical parenting will never have - but it can be so beautiful and people can heal.

    If your sister does feel adoption is in her future - set about learning now so that you'll be more aware than many family members are when the child comes home :)

    Good luck!

    Answer by AAAMama at 1:26 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • My uncle and aunt adopted 2 girls from China. Why? Because they were married for years (over a decade when they started trying to adopt), both college educated, he was a Nuclear Engineer Officer in the Navy, she was a Physical Therapist who was willing to quit working to be a SAHM. Both were active in their church and in other volunteer activities in the community. They tried private adoption (that fell through, the bm decided to keep the baby), and they tried to adopt through State agencies. They were told they were not able to adopt, because "due to their lifestyle (they moved every 3 - 4 yrs because of the military), their home life wasn't stable enough". They adopted their oldest from China, then, a few years later, they adopted another little girl from China as well. Their dd's are now in their early teens and they're all doing great. They didn't care where their kids came from - they just wanted kids.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:42 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Your reply to anon was awesome!!!! Thumbs up!!!!

    Answer by idaspida at 1:04 AM on Dec. 30, 2010