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my bf and i were fighting. I hit me 1st over and over (well I shoved his face with my hand). About the 15th time he hauled off and slapped me. Then the fight got intense. He began trying to choke me after I was still putting my hands on him. He pushed me. I kept fighting back and then twice he struck me. Two things to consider, we were both drinking. He took my phone to call a ride to leave but i didn't want him to use my phone so I pursued him around the house to get it back. In that process 3 doors got destroyed. He completely took out 1 by himself. My kids witnessed the whole thing. Me and my bf were crying in the midst of all the emotional chaos. He threw and broke my phone. My ex who is my baby's father had called while we were fighting and guess he figured out we were fighting because he was there in seconds leaving out from work. I felt so horrible. I apologized to my kids, my ex took pictures of the destroyed doors and I later went to the hospital because it felt like my jaw was broken. The doctors said everything is fine I just have bruised skin and i'm taking some pain relievers. My bf left a few days ago right after the incident. We r no longer together but he is having the blues over what he did and
the fact he lost both his jobs by moving away from the house. I didn't press charges, in fact he still has more items of his to get from my house. I feel so hurt & betrayed. Then he got my facebook account deleted by posting nude pics of me up so my family, job and friends can see. I can't deal with him but I got a feeling he will try to come back in my llife. What is the best thing I can do in this overwhelming situation??!

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LasciviousVamp

Asked by LasciviousVamp at 3:19 AM on Dec. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (225 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Oh my goodness. I can only imagine how you are feeling. You really should have pressed charged. If he can do it once he can do it again...trust me on that one. You need to protect yourself and your children. If you ever need to talk ( and I know that you have no idea who I am or anything about me) I am always willing to listen. Message me anytime you want. I don't know if you are religious and I apologize if your not, but I will be praying for you. Take care and do what's best for you and your children. Keep your family safe.
    amber1330

    Answer by amber1330 at 3:29 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Sounds to me like you asked for it, you should never raise your hand to a man, especially if you are drinking. You were both drinking, and your kids were there? What's wrong with this picture? It sounds like you both forgot how old you were and how you are the parents, and your kids watch you to see how you act or handle yourself. I wish your jaw had been broken, maybe then you would think about what you had been doing a little harder? Sounds like the boyfriend got the short end of the stick here, and you both should have gone to jail!
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 3:34 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • well maybe a little time apart is needed he obviously is hurt and you are obviously hurt and now feeling alone... its up to u to decide to stay or leave i understand drinking was involved but i think that thats something we can try not to do anymore since it didn't end to well me and my bf cant drink together so its not a big deal the fact that it went as far as it did is what u should think about what if next time it doesnt stop or the kids or x arent there... but u no him better than me and i think if u want to make it work u can if u dont than you just need to tell him ill put ur stuff outside when ever ur on ur way but i cant talk with u right now i just need time and take as much time as u need cause this is something it think about and discuss with him later gud luck hun :)
    premiemom18

    Answer by premiemom18 at 3:35 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Why don't you pack up and move as well. Get a restraining order, they will have a cop escort him to get his stuff that way you can be done. Don't go back to him whatever you do. Police may press charges if you decide to give details because children were present, it is your job to protect them and part of that is making sure they do not see you being abused.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 3:55 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • AND just for a reminder no person deserves abuse, not u on him, not him on you. I don't give a shit who started it, when it goes passed self defense and to attempted murder by putting his hands around your neck I already know what charges could be pressed and will be pressed when you come to your senses and get your restraining order.

    child endangerment, possible attempted murder, felony domestic assault just to name a few
    trust me hon, I've been in a similar situation with no kids though.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 3:59 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I think you were both wrong and out of control. You started the violence, and you weren't letting him call for a ride and leave, thus perpetuating the violence. He reacted to this by getting violent with you back, and by destroying things. You were both drinking (honestly, it sounds more like "drunk" than drinking...), and all of this happened in front of the kids.

    It sounds like you need to take a big step back and a hard look at yourself and what sort of person you want to be around and what sort of person you want to be. I would suggest - no more drinking and some anger management classes for you (he needs them, too - but he's not the one here asking for advice, so...) I would also suggest talking to someone about what it is that is drawing you to men like this and causing you to be self destructive - work that out before you get involved with someone else. DO NOT get back with him.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:47 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • cont

    I'll say it again - DO NOT GET BACK WITH HIM! Get a restraining order - and be prepared that there is a good chance he can get one against you, too. Do not talk to him, do not be around him, and do not be there alone when he comes to get his stuff. In fact, you might be wise to call the cops and explain that you both have a history of being violent towards each other, he needs to get his stuff, and you would like someone there to make sure that the situation doesn't get out of control. Do not pose for nude pics for a guy (at least not one that you have not been married to for yrs, and that, frankly, you don't have pics of him as well - or even better - the pics are taken but you have all the copies - best is no pictures though.)

    Apologize to your family / friends about the pics and stuff, to your kids for the whole situation, and, if he tries to contact you, tell him you're going to press charges.

    GL to you!!!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:51 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • if the father one of the kids took pictures
    sounds like he may use this to take child away from you
    i would seek treatment for drinking and nager issues
    this would help you and could help if and when he goes to court to take your child
    if the court sees you are making an effort to improve yourself you have a better chance of keeping some custody

    i would not be worried about this man who hits you and you hit him
    i would be worried about myself and how i acted in front of my children
    i would be wooried that one of the fathers would use pictures to take my child

    get your priorities in order
    kids first, kids 2nd, kids third and maybe a healthy relationship with a man 4th

    you are not in a healthy relationship- get yourself healthy
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 8:24 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Sounds to me like both of you are at fault. Never do something to someone that you don't want them to do to you is my advice. If you didn't want him to hit you then you should have kept your hands off of him.

    If you don't want him in your life any longer then tell him that. Tell him that your kids don't need to see that type of behavior from you or anyone else. Then stay single and work on yourself as you have some issues to resolve in yourself or else this woulsn't have happened in the first place.

    Oh, and I would reomend stopping drinking and finding a man who doesn't drink either and one whom you respect and who respects you so that these tyes of situations don't present themselves again. If in the future you see your life heading down an ugly path again, then change it.

    Good luck. My advice may ound harsh but growing up in that type of situation myself I am only trying to give you the best advice I can.
    Memigen

    Answer by Memigen at 8:51 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Really? Do you ever read the news about abusive relationships? Every case is different but you need to stay away from him. If he has stuff at you place tell him to get it when you and the kids aren't there. Honestly you both could be arrested for acting that way in front of your kids. But if this is where it is now then get him out of your life if you don't want to press charges. He left. Good. Now don't answer his calls after his stuff is gone. Don't listen to his apologies. If he was sorry he wouldn't have don't those things on FB. You both sound really immature and the way to grow up isn't to keep hanging around with other immature people.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 9:46 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

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