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Non-custodial parent sadness and difficulty

So tired of not having my girls fulltime. Been doing it for 8 yrs now and I would like the opportunity to see my girls more and to have them live with me. yes, slightly selfish on my part as it would upset their lives, but I happen to think it would also give them another side of who they are and who they can be. My ex and I aren't battling with eachother, but this is something he won't consider. Neither of us is a "bad" parent - I just want to share more than holidays and a month in the summer. At any rate, needed to vent somewhere (the girls go home to their dads in a day) as I feel like my heart is breaking again, and I see it reflected in their eyes too. I love them and miss them so much, it never gets easier or better. I forgot the question part - can anyone empathize or have a similar story? Feel so alone in this as the mom...


Asked by Camilletnt at 5:44 AM on Dec. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,896 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I'm so awful sorry. : ( It breaks my heart to even know this or hear this, not having a place to put your concerns, but put them with a trusted source. It isn't like you can control this father whatever, it isn't important how much you see it's him doing this to them or you, but you probably have so much planned and all your love is stretched out, seeming past the stretch point. God sees this and knows your heart. He created you and sees and hears your problems, your cries. All I can say is trust in him. Trust. trust.
    You and your daughters have a love that isn't broken easily.
    Allow yourselves to grow in other ways apart. Keep texting, keep calling, keep saying plans and cry together, and do let them know it's always God's plan in the scheme of life between now and forever or now and then if that sounds better, that you ARE IN THAT PLAN, no matter how it looks now, or what it seems. You are so loved and protected,

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:58 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I feel the pain. Two years ago my daughter was taken from my husband and I and put in foster care. There were a lot of very complicate things going on, most of them with my mental health that lead to an less than ideal environment for my then ten month old baby girl, hence the removal. We are still battling DCFS out of lives, BUT, for a year and half we got her at first four hours a week. We didn't get to do much of anything for her first birthday, we got her for just long enough to have a small party adn it had to be at a public restraunt no exception and to get her for a few hours to do said party we had to giveup all the rest of our visitation for that entire week. Eventually we got to have her for weekends and while it was good for us somehow it was always our fault that whenever she went home to the foster she had problems readjusting to not being with us. I missed her first steps, crawling, words. everything.

    Answer by JadeRDragosani at 5:58 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughts. It does feel stretched... that is a good word for how I feel. I try to do all the things you suggested to stay connected. I do it for them so they know they are loved no matter where they are or what they are doing. I trust in God and his plan .. just tired of hurting. Thank you so much. I did need to be reminded that I am in THE PLAN. Feel outside of it so often.

    Comment by Camilletnt (original poster) at 6:07 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Jade - I know it's hard on you to be separated and it's the dark moments that can spread... try to stay positive and keep working on being there. That's what I do at least. May not be in person but I am there for them. I let them express their feelings and I try to listen and just "be". Frustration on the situation when they are young is not for you to share... it's best to see what silver lining there is. Both of my girls are very smart and good people. Even if they don't live with me - knowing I am a part of that helps me accept what is right now. Love, love love.. :0) good luck.

    Comment by Camilletnt (original poster) at 6:12 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • It's hard to be the non-custodial parent whether you are a mom or dad. It's easy to feel detached from your kids lives. Have you thought about a webcam? Other ways to keep the lines of communication open when they aren't with you? My ex has log-ins for the kids school websites so he can keep track of their grades. He also talks to them several times a week. I know it's hard on them being apart, but the kids are still close to their father even though they only see him every other weekend.

    Answer by Scuba at 8:51 AM on Dec. 30, 2010