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Adoptive moms. Would this have annoyed you?

A short time after I had my first reunion face to face with my son, long before I really knew anything about adoption and adoption feelings, before I read all the books I've read, all the seminars and groups I've been to, before cafemom. I sent my sons parents a card basically thanking them for the wonderful job they did raising my son. I meant well, but now I think they may have thought "what do you mean thanking us for raising "your" son. We didn't do it for you!" What do you think your reaction would have been?


Asked by onethentwins at 6:08 PM on Nov. 10, 2008 in Adoption

Level 22 (12,486 Credits)
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Answers (13)
  • I think this nation is getting too politically correct and overly sensitive if you ask me! I would be touched if someone wrote me something like that. (But then again I know you so I'm probably biased - LOL)

    What made this come to mind if you don't mind my asking?

    Answer by blessed3times at 6:40 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I'm not an adoptive mom, obviously--but my birth-grandmother asked for my aparents address so she could write them card, and I'm kind of nervous about it. I think a-parents kind of see it like they don't need your approval--which I think is a little silly and defensive on their part but so goes it in adoption :/

    Answer by LiliMama18 at 6:12 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I would have seen it as a nice gesture coming from you, and I wouldn;t have taken it the wrong way. However you never know how someone else will take something.

    Answer by lilymama03 at 6:13 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I haven't adopted (YET!), but I think it's very sweet. They did raise "your" son, even though he is theirs also. I don't see how a Thank You can ever be taken the wrong way.
    As we get closer to adopting, and learning more, it seems that everyone is so careful not to step on anyone's toes and unable to just be themselves. ALL parents only want whats best for the child!

    Answer by christyg at 6:19 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • My dd birth mama thanks me every time we are on the phone for loving her and taking care of her. It makes me happy that she thinks I am doing a good job.


    Answer by ameliasmama1026 at 6:47 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • This is what brought it to mind. It's an anomynous answer to another question.
    "The only appreciation I want for being a birthmom is from my child's adoptive mom..and I'm never getting that sooo...nothing else really matters to me. "
    I've never been thanked by them only the other way around.

    Answer by onethentwins at 6:51 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I would find it highly flattering that my kids' birthmom would thank me for raising HER/MY children up right. I would not be offended, think it was out of line, or unnecessary. I hope my kids' birthmom is proud of her two wonderful kids someday, and if she found it in her heart to thank me, I would be honored with that gesture.

    Answer by Bryn1020 at 6:59 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Wow! That was an awesome thing for you to do. I would be thrilled to get something like that from our daughters' Bmoms. I sometimes feel like I have to be a 'better' mother, to prove to them that they made the right choice in choosing us to raise our daughter. I would like to think that when we meet again, they will say thank you for raising our daughter to be the best that she can be!

    Answer by LizClara at 7:28 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I would be grateful to hear from my son's 'other mom' as he calls her, and thanked for taking such good care of him. There may have been a brief second I'd have thought ,"Don't you mean our son?" but I would honestly have been so touched I'd have laughed that little devil off my shoulder right away! lol This little boy is truly a gift from God, and I'm so honored to be raising him and loved by him.Your heart is in the right place!

    Answer by Heartlight617 at 8:34 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • I would have been thrilled to receive such a letter. I don't think that they would have felt funny about you saying he was your son. He is! I'm sure the pleasure of raising him was all theirs and they wouldn't expect or want thanked, but still the gesture was beautiful.

    Answer by joy2bamom at 9:43 PM on Nov. 10, 2008