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My mom's opinions have crossed the line. What to do?

My mother and I hsave not had a good relationship my whole life. He is very judgmental and sometimes just mean and disrespectful. She doesn't approve of how me and my DH discipline our my stepson. She thinks we are to strict. But she went to far. My DH and I had a fight and when he dropped off the kids she told him that I was verbally abusive to my step son. Although what my DH did was is not excused I can say he was very vulnerable and my mom knew that. She staged an intervention. So I found out that since my DH and I are more strict on discipline, such as time outs that can last most of the day or writing down what was wrong on paper. I know she is not fond of me but really attacking me and getting in my business. I know I am a good mother and I know my DH and I can work on our discipline skills. I don't know what to do. I am afraid she will try to do something even worse. I could go on forever about her behavior but I don't know how to handle it now.

Answer Question
 
jellybean35

Asked by jellybean35 at 9:08 AM on Dec. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 3 (24 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Well if you dont like what she is saying just tell her you dont. You dont have to listen to what she has to say. On the other hand maybe you should listen. Time outs lasting the whole day are not the way most pediatricians and psychologists suggest doing them. How old is he? Does he live with you? Without knowing more it is hard for me to say if she crossed the line or not.

    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 9:10 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • It seems to me that your mom feels your discipline skills might be damaging than doing any good, you need more than one person to stage an intervention so there is more than one member of your family who agrees with her. Interventions are done for good not bad, maybe you should re look at your techniques........

    older

    Answer by older at 9:11 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • maybe you need to sit down and tell her or have it out. I had to do this with my mom after her disagreeing caused so much pain and anger. I would sit down talk it out if an agreement cannot be reached maybe you have to say its over until she can agree to disagree.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:14 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • my mother is always critizing everything i do. my house, my kids, everything. i finally told her that if she didn't like it get the F out of my house! i even had her removed from my house by the police a few months ago. havent had a problem since!
    mama2bof2

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 9:18 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Have you tried talking to your mother? I don't know either of you, but if she thought she saw something bad enough to stage an intervention I would question what I've been doing. Time outs that last most of the day sound pretty extreme, not bashing, but that's my opinion.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:29 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I agree that a time out lasting most of the day is over the top..and probably doing more harm than good.I am not calling you guys abusive for the record.Sounds like your mother really is overbearing and controlling..but she may have a point here and there.I think you and hub should try to take a step back and look at the situation and maybe make some changes.Talk to your mother
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 9:38 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • What brings about an all day time out? What is the age of the child(ren)?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Honestly in this particular situation I wouldn't complain about your mom, but your DH! What mother/grand mother would not react to being told there was any kind of abuse going on in your home? It was wrong of him to do that in the first place. But in other situations maybe your mom IS over bearing and nosy.. I wouldn't know because I don't know her. But perhaps maybe your allowing her to be a bit too much involved if you don't like the things she has to say. Maybe you should stop dropping the child off over there, don't invite her to your home as much, ect. Sometimes that is just what you have to do. Remove her from the equation and work with your DH on this instead of letting mom get in the middle.
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 9:45 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • i would like to hear your your moms side of the story to answer this question. time out for most of the day is extreme imo unless the kid poured a bucket of paint on the carpet or was playing with gasoline and matches. punishing a kid to the extreme could lead to resentment, it does not necessarily make the kid respect the parent.
    maya123

    Answer by maya123 at 6:41 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Thank you for your comments. It is true that my DH and I didn't think we were disciplining appropriately for his age and we have been trying to work on a new system way before my mom stepped in. My mother doesn't know that and I am not sure why I need to share that with her. My DH and I have started therapy months ago and they agreed that my mother didn't need to be involved in our discipline but my DH and i needed new strategies of punishment. We are trying to incorporate some kid of behavior modification so my son can understand that distroying property is not right.
    Thanks to everyone
    jellybean35

    Comment by jellybean35 (original poster) at 2:45 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

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