so my husband and i have 3 children together, ages 4, 2, and 11 months. his sister has a daughter as well, our niece, who's 3. his niece lives in another state with her dad (sil gave up custody of her just a few short months ago and only gets her on holidays now, IF she even wants her) and she's here visiting for the holiday. now i know my mil has a sweetspot for her (the 3 year old) because she's the first grandbaby (the 4 year old has a different father, not hubby) and she doesn't get to see her much. BUT - the favoritism she's shown her has gone on since day 1, when my niece was here all the time before sil gave her up to her ex husband. if i went into the longlist of how she shows favoritism to her id be here all day. but just a few examples - around easter of this year, she took niece to an easter egg hunt her brother (my uncle in law) had and didn't bother to invite our kids. she also took her to a funeral when my niece was 2, and then one day when i asked her to babysit our youngest who was just 6 months at the time, she couldn't cause she had a different funeral to go. (wouldnt it be much easier to take a 6 month old who sits in a carseat to a funeral than a 2 year old?) and last night really was the straw that broke the camel's back.
we went to a bonfire my uncle in law had, had smores and stuff like that. mil sat in a chair and held our baby most of the night, and she wanted each girl to roast their own marshmallow on the fire. well, she took pictures of everyone, but mine were all of their backsides. she made DAMN sure that she got SEVERAL of my niece's face, she kept asking her to come over and roast another for a picture. that might not bother some, but it sure as hell bothered me. why is it so damn important to get a perfect picture of her and give no shit about how the ones of my kids turn out? hubby's excuse was well i took my own pictures and sil didn't, so mil wanted some good ones of our niece. that alone says yea, mil wants good pics of niece ONLY.
then, uncle in law brought out some fake snow to play in. niece hogged the whole pile to herself, and i was the only one standing there monitoring them. my 4 year old kept saying "stop, she's not sharing" etc etc. mil asked "who is that?" and sil said "its lily (my daughter) being a crab." and so i said "yea, cause your daughter's not sharing." and sil said "lily, youre the oldest why don't you do something about it?" i was LIVID. i held my tongue though. i just told all the girls if they can't share im taking all of the snow away.
what bothered me most is i know my 4 year old feels it. she was very quiet and somewhat cranky last night, not her usual self. i dont think this is right and i especially dont ever want her feeling left out or less special to her grandma than her cousin.
so tomorrow, hubby and i are going to a wedding reception. we had originally planned for his mom to watch our oldest, thinking the 3 and 4 year old would play well together and have fun. and my mom would watch our 2 and 11 month old. well after last night, my mom agreed to take my 4 and 2 year old and mil can take the baby. she favors the baby out of our children anyway. now i know i have caused extra family drama by doing this, because i straight up told my mil that my daughter wants to go with nana instead cause cadence (the 3 year old) doesn't share. and i dont want anyone having a bad time while im gone or feeling left out. it may have been a rude/bitchy thing to do, but the needs/feelings of my kids come before my mil's. my husband totally doesn't want to see it. he never has, and this isn't the first time favoritism has reared it's ugly head. part of me believes he favors his niece too. i know that sounds crazy/stupid, but you'd really have to witness to see it.
would you have changed the plans as well in this situation? am i overreacting? being too much of a mama bear? i dont feel bad for re-arranging the plans.. i just want to know if this was a bad move. my mom agrees with me, because she can see the favoritism as well. what do you all think? honest answers/opinions are greatly appreciated. thanks in advance :)
Answer by gdiamante at 10:03 AM on Dec. 30, 2010
Answer by jewjewbee at 10:04 AM on Dec. 30, 2010
Answer by melissasue38 at 10:18 AM on Dec. 30, 2010
Answer by KFree907 at 10:10 AM on Dec. 30, 2010
Answer by Shelii at 10:24 AM on Dec. 30, 2010
Answer by coala at 10:30 AM on Dec. 30, 2010
Answer by Ricanmami1 at 1:59 PM on Dec. 30, 2010
Answer by jewjewbee at 3:00 PM on Dec. 30, 2010
Answer by etexmom at 11:40 PM on Dec. 30, 2010