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how do i deal with a tween that lies, steals and likes fire?

my son is 12 and it feels no matter how hard I try he is always lying to me about the smallest things then the other day I found out that he has been stealing from me. today a lighter fell out of his pocket and he told me that he likes fire, I've discussed counselling with him and he "refuses to go" it feels like I'm always the "bad guy" with having to punish him although its to the point now where he claims that I can take everything away(and I have) that he still wont care

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:19 PM on Nov. 10, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • omg my son always says he is going to run away i think he went to your house lol i know exactly what you are going through and i am thinking of couseling and mine is fourteen there is no refusing to go if you live in my house and then he said he would run away and i said run fast cuz you know that is not going to work and if i have to call the cops to find you it will only be worse so i don't know but i feel for you i know what you are going through i've grounded him taken everything i could from him and still the same we both need to look into counseling good luck hon

    Answer by jodi205 at 6:27 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • my son is thirteen and he is just as stubborn. i would suggest taking him to counseling even if for awhile he'll just be sitting there. a good counselor should be able to get him to talk bout how he feels. it really helped with my oldest son who was getting in fights a lot at school and very strong anger issues. he is not my most behaved child. so i'm thinking of doing the same with my younger son. even though he is not keen on the idea but i think they need and deep down inside want someone to talk too.

    Answer by melody77 at 6:30 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Deal with this NOW! Do not write it off to stubborn teenage behavior (it may be, but wouldn't it suck if you were wrong). Put your son in counseling, like the others said, you get him to the appointments and the counselor will do the rest. The counselor can then decide if he needs some in-patient treatment, if he is not cooperating.

    Answer by Kimebs at 6:43 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • If I even looked at my parents wrong everything I loved would be taken away from me and I'd get a foot in the ass.
    Good luck

    Answer by the.deadly.mrs at 7:06 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Your the parent, he can't refuse :)

    Answer by the.deadly.mrs at 7:07 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Be the parent. Drag him. If he refuses call the cops to escort him.

    Answer by ColleenF30 at 8:13 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • WOW! I just had this happen to me last Thursday. Not only did my 10 yr old steal a lighter from me, he lied and said he had no idea where it was, that evening his 12 yr old cousin and him were acting strange and sure enough they put newspaper in the firepit and HE lit it!!!!!!!! I was so pissed off at him. I am a single parent and have told him that if he acts up like that again I will take him to counseling, he says he doesn't need to go and that he was just curious. I am still reminding him of how disappointed I am and he hugs me and tells me how sorry he is but I still wonder...........

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • i went through all of these same things with my son. Between the ages of 8 and 14 he was impossible and it started to turn to abuse toward myself and my daughters. Definately get him to counseling! My son refused also and let me tell you it was the worst ride of my life the first few times I forced him to go. And the counselor actually talked to him in my vehicle the first two sessions. But on the third visit and after he was willing and actually opened up about his feelings and what was going on in his life (things they think Moms dont understand). And come to find out his body was growing at a faster pace than he was producing hormones and it was causing an imbalance they put him on meds and kept it regulated and it worked wonderfully.
    He is now almost 19 years old and is the sweetest boy I could ever ask for.
    Good luck :)

    Answer by Nan0426 at 8:48 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

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