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2 Bumps

How do I get my DH to listen to my pov on money?

Currently my Dh and baby and I are living with my grandparents because we cannot afford to pay for our own place. My husband has a good job that pays well but every penny goes to his 2 truck payments that he had before we were married. He also has a ton of medical bills from when he had cancer a couple years ago. I keep trying to get him to sell at least one but he just says "Well I can't sell the red one my gpa(who past away last year) helped me get that, and the diseal we may need someday." Ugh it's so frustrating. Then he has the gull to whine about living with my family, and all I say is well it's your fault, and if we didn't our baby would be homeless and have no diapers or anything she needs. That bothers him for awhile then nothing. please help!

Answer Question
 
momma2emilie

Asked by momma2emilie at 10:54 AM on Dec. 30, 2010 in Money & Work

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • have you thought of some kind of third party (non family) advisor for you both to go to....maybe seeing it from someone else will open his eyes to whats in front of him and not just look like b@@@ch from you .......
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 10:58 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Do you know how to do a spreadsheet? Do one. Calculate all income an expenses and show him the bottom line. Then show him what the bottom line would be if you were paying rent. And then what it would be if you were working and had to pay child care.

    Men "get" spreadsheets. Do one.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 10:58 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • This may seem like a huge mistake to do these above as they are only geared to the male sporadic ego mood swings, even if you give him the bottom line, ...'so to speak', they aren't getting the picture when their head is in the sand. most men don't know a good thing when it's right in front of them, so I'd do a thing we call, get your own sitter, job, diaper sourcing, and renting your own place, for a while it's the thing that gets your own life straight without living ''through'' a man and his thick cement walls of a brain.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I agree with gdiamante on men "getting" spreadsheets. We had money issues in our early years and I found that charts and showing dh the physical statements helped. Show him what is and what should be and then the things you can do to get closer to the "should be."
    Jessica157

    Answer by Jessica157 at 11:03 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I also agree with anon to a point but you didn't mention if you work? If not go find a job, any job. Even if you bring in $10 after childcare for a while, let him see what that's like.
    Jessica157

    Answer by Jessica157 at 11:06 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Go to Dave Ramseys Financial Peace university class WITH your DH. That will do it.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 11:27 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Men do not like or respond to nagging - whether or not that is really what you're doing, he may perceive it that way.

    Here is what I suggest:
    Make the spreadsheets as suggested earlier. Draw up a suggested budget and plan to sell one of the trucks (diesel, probably).
    Show it to him once, respectfully and calmly. DO NOT make blaming statements or suggest that your lack of money is his fault. Use "I" statements and talk about YOUR feelings, what YOU would like, and how YOU would feel if you could have a budget. Smile and try to make it a pleasant conversation.

    Then, DROP IT. Let him think about it and come to his own conclusion in his own time. It's hard to be patient, but if he perceives that you trust him to make the best decisions for your family, that's what he'll try to do.

    All the Best!
    MariAnKenobi

    Answer by MariAnKenobi at 6:24 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

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