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Need advice on being strong! Leaving husband finally & he won't let!

My husband and I have been together for 9 years. We have two little girls & been having problems for many years. But 6 months ago he crossed the line in our marriage and raped me. I told him right after that it's done and told his mom everything. She actually didn't say anything, but that was wrong of him & I got to move pass it. He moved out. Will he freaked out and said he will change, and was crying everyday.keeped on coming back and coming back, until I gave in. He even threaten me with the kids. My kids are my life. I have been taking care of them mostly by my self, becuase he rather be @ his friends house getting high. I have been going to a counselor, I have post traumatic stress disorder now & is always scared . We actually both was suppose to go it's for marriage counceling, but he stopped going. So I decided that I will cont. for myself. I live 12 hrs. away from my family & live only by his family. With no friend. I also stay @ home w/the kids & have no income of my own. His family is sticking by him. So I always give in because everyone is telling me too. He runs my life, & his whole family does too. Will after all these months of back & forth problems because I'm scared of him touching me & fights were he's screaming @ me in the middle of the night. My dad came for Christmas & one night while he was there m/h woke me up & started yelling @ again, this time he threaten to hit me. When I heard that, I knew in my heart I can't do this no more. I told my dad everything! With m/h there in the room w/us. The problem is my dad left today to go home & m/h is not letting my go. We have been separated three times since that one night and each time it was actually him that left or told me to leave! But came back crying & saying he can't let me go, & threatening me about the kids & tons of other stuff. Even about killing himself. My dad was helping me be strong when he was here, but I'm scared that he will come over again, and again. His family is already been trying to call me. I need advice on being strong & how to get him to face reality, that our relationship is over. He knows I'm very serious now & is freaking out more then ever too! The thing is also is that I know we both will be more happier it we are not together. Not only that but for the kids as well!!


Asked by princessbabies at 11:45 AM on Dec. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 8 (250 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Get a restraining order NOW! It's pretty easy to get one of you are fearing someone....he comes over, you call the cops & he goes to jail. Also go to the court & get a temporary custody order for your kids. This will give you temporary FULL custody of them & your DH cannot take them from you. When you finally divorce, since the kids have been lving with will for sure get them. Write anything down on a calender that is incriminating against will need evidense. Save threatening voicemails & texts, get all the evidense you can to help you get through this. Get evidense of him smoking pot too...or what ever it is he is getting high on. Have the court drug test him if there is a custody battle. If you find that inner strength that every woman can harness, you will win this battle. You just have to fully believe in yourself & not let him scare you in to coming back...

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:18 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I would call the police and report the rape. If your state is like every other there is no statute of limitation on felonies and it doesnt matter if you are married or not rape is rape. You can probably get some help from the local womens shelter as well. I would simply call the police, report the rape and ask them to take you to the shelter. They will do it. Once there the shelter is protected and he wont be allowed contact. They can help you either get help from the state, and in some cases with bus fare back home if you can go home. In any case you need to act NOW and get out of there as soon as you can. I know how hard it is. My first husband was abusive, and he actually followed me 3000 miles when I left him the first time. I had to go through all the same steps I just gave you and I was better for it. More importantly my kids were too.

    Answer by gemgem at 11:48 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Your dad just left you there? There must be a womens shelter somewhere near you, can you go there? As far as how to be strong, just LEAVE. You can do it. You and your girls deserve to be safe and happy.

    Answer by TARARENEE at 11:50 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • You need to get a restraining order against him. Then you need to go to the court and file for permenant custody of your children as well as a divorce. Stay with someone else while you do this that can help protect you against them.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:50 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Call 211 right now. Tell them you are a batted wife and need assistance. Info here

    Get help! Only worry out what he will do to YOU or the KIDS. Never mind what he does to himself. That's on HIM and if he blows his brais out it's NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:53 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • What gemgem said.

    Hang in there, Momma. I wish I could offer more than that. :-(



    Answer by SpaceToast at 11:51 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Call the police now and get out of there. See if your family is willing to help you. Your kids lives are at stake

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:59 AM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Go to the courts in your area file a restraining order and take yourself to a shelter not in your town he has way too much control the only way you and your children are going to get a fresh start is to move on. GL MOmma

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 12:28 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Please follow the advice of the other posters and get out of the situation you're in now...

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 3:37 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • please go get a restraining order in your case it is most likely not going to cost you file for temporary full custody! if he tries to take the kids call the cops! you should report the rape! rape is rape no matter if your married or not, it was unwanted and uninvited!

    Answer by mom2eas at 6:51 PM on Dec. 30, 2010