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How to deal with mommy guilt?

I stayed home with my first child until he was 8 months old and by that time we were ready for daycare. Now I got offered a job and will be putting my 4 month old in daycare. I thought I'd be fine with it, but as each day gets closer to the start of my job I'm getting sad. With my first child I was a basket case with worry and now with this one I am enjoying every second and absolutely love our connection... I know lots of mom's go back to work right away and I always thought I would be able to do that. I know I've forgotten so many of my 1st son's milestones, and I'm so excited to see them again. How do you handle your mommy guilt?

Answer Question
 
sunshine58103

Asked by sunshine58103 at 12:09 PM on Dec. 30, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 17 (3,585 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Day by day. It sucks but in my case I had no other choice. It gets a bit easier as they get older but I still have my days.
    MommyH2

    Answer by MommyH2 at 12:13 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • know that your human.... it is all a choice you may of gotten offered a job but do you need to go back to work... that is the toss up... if you do you have to but to think... i just want the best for them you will miss milstones and those you can't get back... so this is a real toss up... you just have to wave out the pros and cons.
    Lynnsae

    Answer by Lynnsae at 12:13 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • just keep reminding yourself why you're doing this.. you need the money to keep food on the table for your precious lo's and a roof over their heads. your hard work and time away from them will pay off. and it will make each day sweeter when you walk into the daycare and pick them up to go home :)
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 12:13 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • honestly, one day at a time. I wish there was a self help book addressing us moms that have to go back to work and how we deal with it. It was the most difficult thing Ive ever done. On the flip side I ended up being a single parent and I have been raising my kids alone for a long time now. Dont know where we would be without my paycheck. Ive been at that same job for almost 27 yrs, so in the end it was a blessing.
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 12:13 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I was a SAHM for my first child until he was 4 years old. For this one, I had to go back to work after summer break (when my LO was 3 months old). It helped to know that he would be well taken care of while I was at work. I also knew I was doing what I needed to do to provide for my children. I don't really feel guilty as I know I am doing the best I can.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 12:15 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I never experienced mommy guilt. Parenting is a tough job. It's not for the faint of heart! Yes, we love our children.. but we love a roof over our heads, food in our stomach and heat, water, and clothing as well! Someone has to work. You have to suck it up, toughen up, get out there, do your job and remember... YOU ARE MAKING YOUR OWN LIVING! You are not letting anyone pay your way. Do it yourself and GO GET THEM!! Good luck Girl!!!
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:18 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Free yourself from the lie that you can do and be ALL. We can't. If you need/wish to be a working mom, then accept that it comes with trades. You celebrate the milestones - you'll still know the joy - even if you were home, you may not see the first step, etc - you'll still see the first tooth and his first smiles for you - the first giggles for you, etc. It'll be ok, mommy :) Don't feel guilty, or you'll miss even more! :)
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 12:18 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Hmmmm...how to handle mommy guilt...Well, I just remind myself that my working is what's best for my daughter. Some people may argue that my working is not what is best, but I know it is. My having a job puts a roof over her head, food in her tummy, clothes on her back, etc. It also pays for the private preschool she attends, and will help pay for her college someday. My job also puts money in reserve for my retirement so that I won't someday become her burden. My working also sets a good example for her....one I hope she will someday follow. When I start to feel like I want to quit my job and stay home with her, I remind myself that I'm being selfish. I remind myself that I would be staying home for ME and MY benefit, not hers. Everything I do, I do for her and what is best for HER. I certainly don't work because I like it. I do it for her. THAT's my job. So there you have it...that's how I deal
    tommy_mommy

    Answer by tommy_mommy at 12:19 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I refuse to feel guilty unless I've killed something. I felt VERY guilty about the two goldfish that died when I cleaned their bowl. But otherwise? When I know I'm doing what I need to do? I don't bother with guilt because it's simply not logical.

    But remember this... firsts don't happen UNLESS MOM SEES THEM. I don't care if baby is taking a jog around the day care. Till YOU see those steps, none have been taken.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:12 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • You will not miss milestones. You will still see your son take his first step, you will still hear him learn how to talk, you will still watch him learn about how things work.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 1:51 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

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