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2 Bumps

dont understand??

okay so ive had 3 kids well wit my first one i gained 60 lbs then wit the second i gained 30 more so was close to 200 lbs well i lost weight got down to 120...well my thing is hubby has always sid he likes the way i look when i was almost 200 lbs but hes always lookin online or in magazines at girls wit perfect bodys..then lost the weight n he says i still like the way u look but still looks at skinny good looking girls..so i tell him why do u have to look at girls that look like that do u want me that way n he says no thats scary skinny u would look weird like that...then i say well y do they look good to u but i would look weird like that..he doesnt realize what it does to my self esteem. when im finally feeling good about myself i catch him looking again... is it me? am i ugly? or is it just a guy thing.

Answer Question
 
mommyof3_21

Asked by mommyof3_21 at 3:38 PM on Dec. 30, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (704 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Does he compare you to these other women? Does he say things like: I wish you_______.......or......you should look like______... or.. why don't you look like_______.. etc.???

    In regards to self esteem. That can only be influenced, controlled, brought up or down by you. Each and everyone of us are the one's who create our self-esteem, We can choose to allow others to influence it or create an image that we feel we must meet or compete against, but that is a choice. One can just as easily choose not to allow themselves to be influenced or controlled by someone else's image instead of there own.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:51 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • It doesn't have anything to do with you or with how you look. It has to do with him and his desire to look at other women. He may even be addicted to looking at them like so many men are. I would tell him that he could not have me and them, that I was willing to help him stop looking if he really wants to stop. I would then move to another bedroom in the house, and I would wait to see if he wants to stop looking and have me back in his bedroom again. As long as he can have it both ways, then you will have to share his affections. I've never been willing to share with my husband with any other woman, and that includes pictures or whatever else. There are all kinds of places he can go to get help if he wants to stop.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:51 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Is he still your HB? Do you still have sex? Do you go out with him? Does he make compliments? How do you feel about yourself? I don't think your HB wants to hurt you. I think it is more like you are hurting yourself. I think there is something more serious with your self-esteem than your HB is looking skinny girls pictures on the net. I think go for a counselling session. It is always good to spend some time to find out why not-real girl's pictures are bothering you. I am sure you are not ugly if you have a HB and children:) At least you weren't ugly for him:P And it is a really important thing that loads of lonely people can't tell even if if they are skinny and rich.
    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 3:58 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • It's the distance between fantasy and reality...

    Men (women, people of all ages) prefer to look at symmetry, perfection, beauty... when offered any choice between that and ugly, putrid, decay of any kind.

    What men (and women, btw) prefer to Handle Personally is what they can reach. Men have high standards for what they'll pay to look at...but if they're allowed to touch (especially if they don't have to pay to touch) their standards revolve around 'who will let me' and 'who do I love.'

    While women are rather obsessed with the idea that 'what I look like' is equivalent to 'what I am worth' it's a bit of an alien idea to most men... men don't know women are obsessed with their looks, often even when they constantly ask about or refer to looks.

    Men love women who make them feel better about themselves when she's around than they do when she isn't. The amount of padding on the frame is irrelevant.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 4:05 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • This is something my partner and I went back and forth on an awful lot. He says there is a difference between "hot" and "beautiful".

    He wants to marry, be with and only love a beautiful woman (me).

    However when he is masturbating it is easier to look at someone "hot" (someone that looks like they regularly gets cum dumped on them) TMI sorry but that's what he said.

    Take his word for it. Men are visually stimulated people when it comes to sex. Truth is if you looked like the women in mags or porn that your husband looks at he wouldn't respect you, he wouldn't have ever asked you out or to marry him.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 4:43 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • everything aside congrats on losing all that weight, what you did is a big deal and you shouldn't let anyone bring down your self esteem!
    mom2eas

    Answer by mom2eas at 6:07 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • It's normal. Many guys are guilty of doing what you just described. My husband does it, but I don't get offended. Why? Because he moans MY NAME when we have sex. He craves MY BODY when we have sex. To throw it out there, I'm no model. I'm about 20 pounds overweight (overweight by "their" standards) with boobie-doo (my belly sticks out more than my boobies do) AND the pudge just below my Cesarean scar. My complexion over my body is less than perfect, but he still craves my body, not the body of some lithe young thing.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 4:23 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

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