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What can I expect as an upcoming new step mother? Along with the drama and issues we're getting ready to face?

my husband has a daughter on the way with another woman that he was with before we started dating. lilliana daniel will be her name. she's due on jan 5 but will be here any day. the mother, let's call her ld, is naming the baby with her initials which is whatever, we're not disputing that, but, she refuses to give lily my husband's last name, refuses to let jimmy be in the delivery room when lily is born, but will let her mom and sister in cause they're "family" she makes agreements with us such as tax time things, child support and custody agreements but turns around and changes her mind about everything. jimmy and i dont wanna fight, we just want equal everything with his daughter. im at a loss. what should we do?? should we get a lawyer to already start drawing up papers maybe fight for custody since ld's life isn't on track enough to raise a child in??

 
lilysothermommy

Asked by lilysothermommy at 8:46 PM on Dec. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (4)
  • Before you can do any of the above, you will need to have the DNA results of the child. It may not be his. It has to be proven before you can pursue anything legally.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 8:51 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Well any attorney will tell you that if she doesn't want him in the delivery room, no judge will make her. Sorry but if I was having a man's child and I wasn't with him, why whould I want him in the room staring at my junk? Why would you want him in there staring at her junk?

    As for the name, get a paternity test. He can make the baby have his last name but I would wait until it's born since a paternity test before birth is very invasive for the baby. Also, unless you can prove that she is unfit as a mother, chances are you will only get joint custody and visitation.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 8:51 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Yes, get a paternity test, don't push the delivery room thing, it is her body, I can understand that part, but I can not tell you how important it is to get a lawyer to draw up custody and child support, etc. My stepson is 19 years old and his mother is STILL taking us to court for money. You need it ALL spelled out legally. What is included in child support, does he have to also pay 50% of extracurricular activities, medical insurance, life insurance, out of pocket medical costs (this was a huge problem for us, DH supply expensive insurance but Ex refuses to take SS to in network doctors then expects us to pay), college costs, etc.etc. etc. etc. You need the custy spelled out, how often is visitation. Also, if she is going to be breastfeeding the court probably won't let you have overnights until she's done, etc... You REALLY need a lawyer, there's just too much to deal with here. GL.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 8:58 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • it's not bout him sein her "junk.", it's bout that joy EVERY mom or dad should get to share together or not of seeing their baby that THEY made TOGETHER coming into the world. They BOTH made her, they should BOTH get to have that experience of watching her take her first everything when she comes into this world..
    lilysothermommy

    Comment by lilysothermommy (original poster) at 8:58 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

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