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3 Bumps

Is it possible that I was never IN love with him?

DH and I have been together five and a half years. He wasnt the very affectionate type, but besides that I had very little to complain about. Well, now he changed, and is affectionate, still not as much as I would like, but I was living with it. Well, the past few weeks I have been crying and I didn´t know why. I started feeling like something was missing again, but what could possibly be missing from my life? (Other than I wish I was financially independent from him).. I am beginning to think I would be happier without him? Ugh. My family is in another country, and I miss my Dad at times.. and I have 0 friends here, and idk, I think that through the decisions I made by becoming a young mother has led to this, to my being unsure of so many things I shouldnt be having doubts about especially, my FAMILY..

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:32 PM on Dec. 30, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • That new feeling and obsession always wears off in every relationship with any real length to it..sometimes it's there sometimes not..I wouldn't be so quick to throw in the towel over this..imo it would not be a wise move.If you long for some independence then maybe you should get a job even if it's just part time..or find some hobbies...
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 9:25 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • It sounds like you're not in love with him.

    It's easy to get caught up in lust & new interesting things in the beginning of a relationship. But, once that newness wears off, you can sometimes see things in a new light. I believe that in order to stay in love & have a happy marriage, that married couples need to be each others best friend. If you have that strong friendship connection, then it's much easier to be in love with your spouse.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:24 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I was the same way...and I KNEW I was not in love with him, though I loved him. Due to a number of reasons, I ended up leaving --but we had no children.
    charlottej

    Answer by charlottej at 9:37 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Did you move to a different country? If so, how long have you been in your new location? It sounds like you might have cultural shock rather than not being happy with hubby, especially if hubby is more affectionate now than he use to be.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 9:37 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • ditto. No advice. I am financially independent...he is not so I would feel bad for leaving.
    ashisamom

    Answer by ashisamom at 9:34 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • we moved to a different country, but it is our country of origin. We were both born here, but I grew up in the USA, and after being with him 4 years he moved here first and I moved about a year later, been here about six months or so.. I think I love him, but I am not IN love with him. Everything else is great. I LOVE my son,.. and have pretty much learned to acceot the fact that I have no friends, much as I would like some, I dont want to make friends here, because deep down inside I know that I will eventually go back to my life in the USA, with or withOUT him. He is a GREAT father, and AMAZING provider, but I just don´t feel a connection with him anymore. It´s like, I don´t even want to do the things I used to enjoy with him anymore. I don´t ask anything of him, barely have sex, and I am ABSOLUTELY fine with that, which is VERY unusual... Idk...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:41 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • MY SO WAS MORE AFFECTIONATE BEFORE 7 AND 6 YR OLDS COME ALONG. WE EVEN WENT OUT ON DATES BEFORE THE KIDS CAME ALONG
    19angie74

    Answer by 19angie74 at 10:23 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Is it also possible you are having Post PG syndrom? Or is it a combination of a lot of things? You see, when we are feeling depressed, we often take it out on the one we love. There are times after having a baby that the hormones get out of wack. Before you decide to leave, go to a Dr. Don't tell him you want to leave, but do tell him you're feeling depressed and find no pleasure in being intament with your husband. Ask if he can check your hormone levels. You don't want to make a major change again if its only a problem with your body. If it turns out that everythings alright, do you have your passport, or does your husband keep it? Do you have one for your baby? If you are living in Iran or neighboring countries, You're going to have some choices to make. If you want out. Contact me. Don't let him ever know how you're feeling. He won't trust you to leave the house & I'm sure others are watching you now. I'll explain latr.
    WalknWithGod

    Answer by WalknWithGod at 10:59 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • First, I'd seek some counseling and see if you're suffering from depression. Then, I'd sit down and talk with your husband and get his feelings, too. Many times, when we talk with our spouses about how we're feeling, a solution arises and our lives become easier.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 2:54 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • By the way crying and not knowing why is a sign of depression...talk to your doctor
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 9:28 AM on Dec. 31, 2010