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I think I am right for saying this.

I have a beautiful 4 year old little girl. Her father walked out on me when I was 3 months pregnant saying that I should get an abortion because he is not helping with the baby. He came to the hospital with his mom, barged into my room looked at her and said her is too UGLY to be his. His mom said that if she is his, why didn't I call him to be in the delivery room. I told her because I didn't want him there, he wasn't there for the pregnancy, why should he be there for the delivery. Anyway, they left and haven't been heard from since. Until a couple of days ago, I was served papers saying that he was going for joint custody. He has never asked to see her, nor has he paid a dime for her. He called me the day I was served (even though he says he doesn't know how to get ahold of me and THAT is why he hasn't seen my dd in 4 years, I also live 1/2 a mile from his mom) to try to rub it in that he would get visitation and mainly just try to upset me. I don't mind too much as I know he won't come to most the visits as his is in the marines, lives 6 hours from us and will be moving to Japan in about 5 months. I found out the reason he is doing all of this is because his mom is dying (she has about a year) and she wants to see a grandchild before she dies (I guess my baby isn't too ugly now). Anyway I let him know that we will talk about it in court but just so he knows, he will be paying back child support for the past 4 years. I have already retained a lawyer who figured out it will be about $26000. Well all the sudden his lawyer calls me and tries to get me to feel bad saying things like "he just wants to be a good father but it is gonna be realy hard for him to pay all that off" I said "yeah, well it was hard for me to support a child on my own for 4 years but I managed, so will he" I know they won't make him pay it all of at once because, of course, he doesn't have that much money just lying around buy my layer said that he will be ordered to pay $500 a month for child support plus a min. of one percent of the back child support which comes to $260. This means he will be handing over almost 1/3 of his paycheck, I feel like that is what he gets for not paying it in the first place. I should say that he lives and eats in the barraks, so the only bill he pays is his car insurance, cell phone bill, gas, and he pays for going out and clothes (he bought his car with his enlistment bonus) So I guess it just means he will have to cut down on his partying. I think I am totally right, but is there anyone who thinks I am wrong in any of this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:48 PM on Dec. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (18)
  • Supporting HIS child is part of being a parent... you are 100% correct to go for back child support... it's the LEAST he can do for her!!! If he didn't want a child then he should have kept it in his pants!!


    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:53 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • clappingGood for you! I think you are doing the right thing.


    Answer by JeremysMom at 10:56 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • do you really want this guy in your life or more importantly dd life? can your lawyer stop this? Good luck in this I'm sorry for you having to go through this

    Answer by MELRN at 10:56 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • yes, they were wrong to do what they did to you while you were in the hospital and while you were pregnant....but, You don't want your daughter to grow up and look back not having any pictures of her grandma thinking it was because you didn't want her to see her. You are the bigger person here, show your daughter how you can be the better person. He will never get joint custody, especially since he was gone her whole life not wanting to be a part of it. You should try to get along with her dad for your daughter, he is her daddy. Every little girl needs a daddy to call them princess. You just don't need to be the reason she doesn't get to see her daddy. She will grow up some day and find all this out on her own, they always do. Do what's best for her, you will be happy knowing you did the right thing.

    Answer by Karkie22 at 10:57 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • No youre not wrong. And the mom didnt try to be in the childs life either, she could have called you and asked to see the kid before she died. As bitchy and cold hearted as it sounds, they are using the 'mom is gonna die' as a tear jeker in court, and he should be paying child support whether he sees the kid or not

    Answer by leksismommy at 10:58 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I don't hav a choice, he filed for visitation. My lawyer said I can't stop it because she is his child too. The most I can do is ask for an adjustment period where he would only see her EOS for a few hours. My fiance', who has been in her life since she was 6 months old wants to adopt her but he can only do that if my ex losses or gives up rights

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:02 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Karkie22, she has a daddy, my fiance'. She calls him daddy and he treats her that way but I know you posted what you posted before I posted that.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:05 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • You are right to go after him for back child support!!! HE helped create the child, HE needs to get off his ass and support the child and that INCLUDES paying child support starting from the day she was born. I think it is BS that his lawyer tried to give you a sob story and make you feel bad - if he would have been paying from day 1 then he would not owe so much so it is his own fault he has to pay that much in back support! He needs to quit bitching and start paying!

    Answer by MizLee at 11:05 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • OH and the other thing is that his lawyer was trying to tell me that I could be in trouble for not contacting him when I went into labor so that he could be there!!!!! It doesn't matter anyway cause my water broke and I had her 5 min after I got to the hospital so there wasn't time anyway, but I don't feel like he had any kind of claim to be in the room when I gave birth.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:15 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I wouldn't worry about it. He walked away from you when you were 3 months pregnant it was his fault not yours. The court will keep all of that in consideration and they shouldn't make her stay longer than a couple of hours with him if she has never meet him. Good luck!!!!!

    Answer by aheuszel at 11:54 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

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