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Normal behavior?????

I caught my 4 year old kissing my 2 year old in the private area, through her undies. I spoke to her very harshly, telling her that it was not ok, she is not to touch or kiss her sister there, that that is her sister private area and no one was to touch her there. She ran off crying. I did not put her in time out, or discipline her in any other way besides telling her that it was wrong.
Some that I have talked to about this feels that it was normal behavior and that I was too harsh on her. Others feel that she had to of seen this elsewhere or that it has been being done to her.
I at first was just thinking that it was a behavior of experimenting and that letting her know that it was not ok, will let her know it was not ok.
Sometimes I wonder if because of today's society we over react when it come to the privates. Does a four year old really realize that it is a sexual private area or is it just another spot on they body, like there foot or belly ect.
Now that some people has told me that 4 years old don't experiment like that unless they have seen it, had it done to them, makes me worried a bit.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:02 PM on Dec. 30, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Every child has natural instincts just like any animal. You see a puppy go up to another dog and sniff his rear end, because it's natural to investigate. A four year old isn't any different. Yes, she could've seen this behavior somewhere, or she could've just realized her own privates and wanted to investigate someone else's. Nothing more then seeing if they were the same. It doesn't mean she was molested, it doesn't mean someone else has done this to her, it doesn't even mean she's seen it on a Show or Movie.

    That's not to rule out that it hasn't been done to her, I can't say that, but it is natural. MANY kids experiement with their bodies and other children's bodies only in realizing what's what. I think you did the right thing by talking to her sternly and letting her know it wasn't okay. Next sit her down and ask her "Why" she chose to do that. Just as a mother/daughter talk.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:55 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • Hard to tell, maybe you should ask her why she did it.

    Answer by idaspida at 11:06 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I would take it as natural .... maybe your daughter just choose that place to kiss her without knowing it was not an appropriate place. If it were me I would not have been that harsh but sat her down and explained a little. If they have not been told previously that its wrong how do they know? Getting angry and speaking harshly only emphasis the fact that its taboo and makes it more intriguing to them.

    Answer by MumaSue at 11:55 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • i would say it's not normal cause at 4 she already should know about body parts... but i really don't know.

    Answer by Lynnsae at 11:15 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • I think its been done or she has seen it for we went threw this already but with a much older kid doing to a 4 year old and the 4 year old new that it was already wrong

    Answer by josalin at 11:18 PM on Dec. 30, 2010

  • The word experimenting is a strange word to use. It is not normal developmentally for a 4 year old to have any kind of sexual "experimenting" with others. Pleasing themselves or being curious about how others look is normal. What kind of kissing a child does depends on the child and the rules they have grown up with. Our family doesn't kiss much and this behavior would be of concern. I discourage kids kissing because of passing germs (we have some medical issues in our family) and kids are always supervised. Some families kiss all over and there is less supervision so it might not be that weird. If so, then it should have been handled matter of fact (not harsh).

    Answer by Gailll at 2:03 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • I had a talk with her and she had stated that she was her mommy and baby fall down get boboo' s I kiss em all better. It was cute when she was telling me with those little wrinkled up forhead and look of confusion on her face. So I explained to her that it was a private place and that we don't touch sissy there. If sissy gets a booboo then we will tell mom, mom will get her a booboo cloth. She looked up at me, says no real booboo mama we pretend. So I again explained that it is ok to play house and that you can pretend to me mommy, you can kiss her booboos all gone just not on her privates. K momma me tell you.
    @lynnsae: She does not all her body parts and she nows that some are what we call private, but up until know I don't think we have had to explain to her exactly what private means. You can tell them this is private ane nobody is to touch it but you, I don't think she understood quit yet.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:38 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • @ gailll, I agree with you 100%. I don't feel she was experimenting sexually. What I was saying in my question was that today's society auotmatically looks at it sexually. They think of the worse because of all that happens in our world. Don't get me wrong, I know it happens and its everywhere out there. A lot of people just assume the worse. We can't let our kids grow up natuarally without someone thinking that your wrong for not seeing a sexual problem.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:46 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • My kids used to think that "stinky butts" were hilarious, and so they used to run up to each other, and sometimes to me, and smell the butt and go "EWW! STINKY BUTT!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!" It was funny at first, but then, one day my son did that to my daughter while she was laying down, so he actually put his head in her private area instead of her butt. But to him, it was still her butt. My MIL was in the room, and she told my DH, and he got FURIOUS! They have since stopped that game. It was a phase. I know for sure my son and daughter havent been abused sexually or shown anything inappropriate, because I am literally with them 24/7.
    I think you did the right thing by telling her that kissing that area is inappropriate. Just stay calm when you talk to her about it. Shaming her can cause problems later, especially with situations involving the gynecologist, or God forbid she does get abused; she may not tell you.

    Answer by brandyj at 12:25 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • Hey, OP, I just read all your comments. I saw how you explained it to your older daughter, and I think you did a great job! Also, something that my friend did, that I thought was really neat, was she made up a code word for her daughter's privates( butterfly), and started calling them that from an early age. So now when her daughter needs to talk about that area, she knows only her mom knows what she means.

    Answer by brandyj at 12:38 PM on Dec. 31, 2010