Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

How do you deal with the issues that surround the child of the person you love.

My boyfriend was married before and adoped her son when he was just a little over 1 which i found to be a noble trait he possed not many guys these days want to take care of thier own kids let alone someone eles. They of course got a divorce and now he has been paying child support for this child. I guess no good deed goes unpunished. I have no problem with him supoorting HIS child well at least legaly but this child is 11 he acts like most kids do at his age but on the other hand he dosent. He brings up things just to get a reaction he plays adult games and everyone has to watch what they say in fron tof him because he tells his mom everthing . Me and my boyfriend are going to have are own baby in April and things have only gotten worse. My BF got a better job and we moved now his child support has risen to 876.00 a m0nth for one child and madatory health coverage. His x works in a tatoo place and is a bar tender gets paid under the table and lives with her parents so on paper she look like she makes nothing but drives a new car and can afford to buy new tv and the new Wee while we live cant afford anything nice let alone new. Im concerned that we will not make it when our baby come and my child will have to suffer to support that horrible person . Its not right and its not fare. Why do people who want to get ahead in life and have a good decent life always get stopped by the BAD people who suck the life out of everyone around them. I have a son too that i have to think about that is 5 how much of this should i expose him too. I love my boyfriend very much but is it wrong for me to want to make sure that he is going to do all he can do to support his child on the way and not let his x use her son to manipulate him in to feeling guilty or something through controling him by taking more money. Im just very confussed about what to do no matter what someone is going to get hurt i just want to make sure its not the child who is not even born yet.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:46 AM on Dec. 31, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • If he has his son half the time why is he paying that much. Come on a 11 yr old does not cost 900 a month ...What he has to pay her rent and his our system is messed up but its true when you are trying to get ahead in life and doing everything the right way its extremly hard but people that cheat and steal its easy...Thats my opion though...My husband has a son and we have him half the time and we dont pay anything cause he is on ssi and his son gets a 250 check monthly anyway well actually the mother spends it on her alcohol so his son doesnt really get it...You all need to got o court and tell them what you all have as bills and its a HARDSHIP to pay that amount of money...Also file for half custody so there is little or no child support ordered...Hope this helps GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS

    Answer by Mrs.Norris at 3:50 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • I guess I'm not in the same situation as you but a simliar situation. I have two kids and my boyfriend and i have been living together for about a year. my kids are not his but he is a great father to them and he loves them as their own. when we got together he told me that he had a younger brother in foster care and he had been fighting for a while to get custody. a few months ago we got custody of him. we were unaware of the abuse he had suffered in foster care, but are very aware now. hes 11. he has ptsd, bipolar, aniexty disorders, anger and impluse control problems. its so hard to deal with all of this. we are both only 23 and now have three kids and one with special needs. it so hard at times and sometimes im concerned my own kids wont get the attention they need. but at the end of the day, i know i love this child as my own and God give me the strength to keep going.

    I'll pray for your family<3

    Answer by allyg5361 at 12:54 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • These are things you should have thought of before getting knocked up. He owes the support and if you don't think you have enough money to live on then you need to get a job.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • Why is she a BAD person? Because your boyfriend adopted her child and now she is expecting him to hold up his part of the deal? When you do a step parent adoption, it is the same thing as if you adopted that child from an agency. You have all the responsibilites that go along with being a parent. I am sorry that it is hard but you should have thought about that when you got pregnant. That is his child DNA or not so if you cannot except it then move along, just know that the child support you get will be based of what he makes AFTER he pays his child support to his oldest child.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 1:45 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • As for the child support, generally, it doesn't even matter how much the ex earns. So, even if she was getting all of her money on a regular paycheck, your boyfriend would have to give her a certain percentage of what he earns for child support. It goes entirely on what he makes (at least in California) If she makes more or less it doesn't matter, the child is entitled to a certain percentage of what the parent makes for support.

    Whether he was adopted or biological doesn't matter. If both parents couldn't have a child, and chose to adopt one, he would still be both of their child, it's basically the same thing. His behavior....well, it's not uncommon for kids in his situation to act out, his parents really need to deal with this.

    Only you can decide how much of this you can handle, but now that you're having a child with him, at least one child will be involved in the situation from now on.... Good luck.

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:53 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • When he adopted that child, he became his father... the money should be paid for the child support. And I heard that an adopted child has more rights in inheritance than a child that is yours thru DNA...
    I really don't think this is the man for you... when you are with someone who has a child/ren you have to be able to love that child the same as you do yours (or close to it).
    With ALL children you should watch what you say, in fear of them repeating it to anyone at any time or place lol Children will get you out in public or in a family setting and tell all sorts of stuff about you/things lol
    I know you're not going to like what I'm saying and it's not intended in a mean way. But this is the exact reason why I chose to not be with anyone that had children after the first and only man I dated that had a child. I couldn't deal with him having contact with the woman... and knew I couldn't love his son like I would my own...

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:55 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • That sounds normal. I think it's commendable that he'd adopt a child that is not his. My husband pays CS to his ex-wife; every month he's billed $910 for one child. It's sky high and not affordable to us, so they take 50% of his paycheck. That's a different rant.

    You just have to deal with it. I agree with JLS2388

    Answer by _Tam_ at 2:13 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • titusmom7, report her for what exactly? I used to be a waitress and the courts didn't ask about my tips. I guess they figure people are gonna lie about them anyway, and, as most of it was cash, they had no way of knowing. Plus, you can't count on tips anyway, some days, I made a lot, others, it wasn't worth my gas and paying for child care.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 2:18 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • Mrs. Norris, It is a HARDSHIP for him to help support his child? They don't just change child support amounts because you don't like them. At 11 it is unlikely that they will change visitation unless the child wants it. Maybe instead of abusing the mother on here we should as why OP decided to get pregnant when they can't afford a baby. That is not the mother nor the son's fault, the dad and girlfriend are just gonna have to suck it up.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 9:49 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • First let me say that I can understand your concerns. The child support is based on the parent's wages. If this is a burden to the parent, he should be able to present his case to child support enforcement to see if it can be reduced some. I am in no way stating that the 11 year old does not deserve to be taken care of by his father. I am stating that sometimes child support is set too high and that can be lowered due to cost of living in some areas.
    In regards to your concern to your unborn child, you need to look at it differently. Since the child support is going to be taken out anyways, you will need to adjust your budget. There are programs to assist you if you need help, such as WIC. You can contact your local health department for information.
    In the case of the ex-wife and the son, you just have to learn how to handle that with grace and care.

    Answer by guyandtoni01 at 6:22 AM on Jan. 1, 2011