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How would you define the word incompetant, in your own understanding of the word??

I know the meaning. If someone is described that way, it is mean and degrading and a put down. What would define/describe an incompetant person?? What characteristics would they show?? I think that a person who is called this is just quite posibly misunderstood and people can't judge a person or a situation they don't know anything about. A person who is described this way is trying to reach out, looking for a bit of acceptance and is trying to gain independence and be understood by others around them.
I know a person who is controlled by others, has been told she has mental issues, she has a college education and is self sufficient. She has experienced family members harsh words, belittling words. Her brother calls her mentally retarded. She is trying hard to break free and become independant, free from the shadows of cruel treatment. This is a deep question but what would you do if you found yourself in this situation?? She to me seems unhappy and trapped in this world everyone has her believing things about herself that just arent true. She wants to be herself and live her life.


Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 AM on Dec. 31, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • She is battling rejection, it is a stronghold , I know because I battled it all my life. I still struggle from time to time. How did I get out of it. I surrounded myself with people that spoke positive things into my life. Did I change over night? No but it was a process for me. Years of belittlment, rejection and abandment does a huge number on a persons mind soul and spirit. It is a choice she has to make to want to be free... she cannot wait for freedom to come to her, she needs to step into it. You did not mention if she is a Christian or not but for me personally I had to tell myself who I am in Christ and everytime a bad thought about myself would come I would chase it out with what God says about me. Just like Kittieshy said, she is a princess, a daughter of the King, loved, beloved, adored, precious, beautiful , smart, couragous and so on. This is what I had to tell myself to break of the lies of others that..

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 2:17 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I'd suggest the book Root of Rejection by Joyce Meyer. That has really been helping me. We obviously don't know her faith, or yours, but what she needs is to know God's love for her. She is so dearly loved by Him. She is special to Him. She is a princess. She is loved by the Beloved. Ephesians 1:4-6 says "just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons (and daughters :) ) through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise and glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved." And Ephesians 3:17-18 "so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth" of God's love. I'll keep her in prayer.

    Answer by kittieashy at 12:01 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • Yes. misunderstood . By them self perhaps, but much more comments from family, I've seen this myself, that when you are only judged by that set of some standard reactions or just poor input it's potentially disabling and molds a bad self esteem. If it's by a brother over time as in older brother younger girl, than the mother needs to place a binder around the son and daughter's behaviors. I see it crush little girls that are so tender and that can ruin them later on, but it's a job by family that is never done. Life is a whole endeavor, we're either in or not.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • It has been going on for years, now she is grown up, has a child of her own and as I mentioned a college degree. She wants to break free and live her life but she is fearful to do this, lacks confidence in her self. I feel she should take the step, it would free her from the chains that bind her and hold her back and she may become a blossoming flower(a person), who is happy and finds out she is alot better than the damaging perceptions of people that have hurt her in the past.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:01 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • We'd all love to break free in some way, I do. Every day. I re "invent" ways to do this all myself, with out being competitive at all. It comes from within, and frankly I see way too much credit being put towards getting education, first of all, a job is a job, and I don't care what you do if one does their job with spirit, vigor and thought, any person with a mind and a bit of creativity can make a life career and not have to be in a mansion. If though a person desires to be free of living a low life type of style of life, than an education helps, or know someone in the gamut someplace. But for the long haul when we have to pay our own bills , the simpler the better. Saving for a vacation can be the most fun way to attack life for self pleasures.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:08 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • What would be better for this, at this point is for her to just go and do her degree a test run, try those papers out. Put apps out on all levels of the degree or at least a few, like if it's humanities and social work she could
    go further and gain a new facet of branching out the degree, or extend it to a 2nd major.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • I usually apply it to a person who has CLAIMED that they can do something and then are proven to be incompetent frauds (Prof. Gilderoy Lockhart of the Harry Potter series comes to mind). It is a different thing to say "I don't know how to ski." and be told that one is incompetant because they can't ski. Our families often exert more influence on us than they should and breaking free of that influence can be hard. Parents, siblings, relatives are all only human beings--not all-knowing deities. We have it so ingrained in us that our parents know EVERYTHING that we forget, as grown adults, that no, they don't. It is important to the adult psyche that we recognize that we are the creators of our own lives and destinies. And that if we start ignoring snarky remarks from family members, it won't be so much fun to torment us any more. And it will stop. I know. I had two brothers JUST like that!!

    Answer by witchqueen at 2:20 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • Incompetant=somebody who lacks the skills, qualities, or ability to do something properly


    Answer by 2boys4momma at 2:56 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • were spoken over me. It was not easy at first but with the right people who can encourage her she can and will find that freedom!

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 2:17 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • As for the word incompetent... i always had the impression that the word meant the inability to do something, to survive, to be independent and so forth.

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 2:18 AM on Jan. 1, 2011