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Should the ex be allowed in the delivery room?

My daughter is going thru a divorce and is pregnant with her second child. Her soon to be ex is a violent alcoholic. Needless to say, while married to him he was physically abusive to her. When she was in labor with the first child, he kept excusing himself to go outside and drink. He keeps bugging her to allow him in when she is having the second baby. I told her absolutely not, but I'm her mother and I feel like I need to protect her. She is torn and would like to hear what other women have to say. What do you think?


Asked by my_daisy at 10:14 PM on Jul. 6, 2008 in Relationships

Level 4 (35 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • No way he is using the birth of this baby to further control and abuse her. Of all the times she will need support and a shoulder to lean on this will be it. He is abusive and will continue to abuse, this day should be a special new birthday and he will taint it. Abuse unless you have been there does not stop until the victim refuses to allow it. I hope for her she stays strong and for you too it's so hard to see our children make mistakes I know. Good luck!!

    Answer by rosetoes at 1:49 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

  • If it were me NO I would not allow him to be there, he would have lost that right when he was abusing me! Good for you for loving yourself and your kids more than that, it's going to be a rough road but you can do it! God Bless!!!

    Answer by hnhead at 10:23 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • I would not let him in either. I think your dead right about this one.

    Answer by vbruno at 10:23 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • No usley his is the father, but me I would thik on that one!

    Answer by Vonnie3469 at 10:27 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • I wouldn't let him in with me. That is the abusive cycle. People feel like they owe he, but if he was hurtful I wouldn't let him in the delivery room, or around my kids until he got some help!

    Answer by Simonsmama at 10:29 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • i would have to say no way, having been married and had children with an emotionally abusive man. she needs to not let him manipulate her into this.

    Answer by steel-violet at 10:29 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • He is the only father this baby has. If she said he could only be there sober she could most likely have hospital security enforce that.

    Answer by MAUREEN55 at 10:29 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • If he is going to be upsetting her than absolutely not. When you are delivering a baby the last thing that you need is stress. He sounds stressful to me. Tell her that I said Good Luck!

    Answer by HomeBoundMama at 10:32 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • I hope she has papers saying he's to stay away because there's nothing you can do if they're still legally married. If he wants in, the hospital will let him. Surely she's got order of protection papers or something by now. If not, may be wise to get some. Hospitals are real sticklers for the law. If no papers say he can't be there for the birth of his son, like order of protection papers, then they may let him in with or without your permission.
    I hope she stays away from him & keeps the kids away from him. Good luck!

    Answer by jon6pat at 10:54 PM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • jon6pat - if she tells her delivering doctor she does not want him in the room, the doctor will not force it. They are there for you. It is not the law that the husband has to be in the room.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on Jul. 6, 2008