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I'm looking for advice on enabling adult children

I'm sorry, I guess I was a little too vague.  His father and I are divorced and they have very little contact with each other.  DS lives in my house, pays no rent or bills.  He has just got a job but does not start untl next week.  There are some drug issues invovled and I fear that he may have returned to some of his old habits.  I am currently living with my S/O however afer a terrible verbal fight on X-Mas Eve between DS & SO, I think it's best to go back to my house for a while.  I have told my DS this and he is aware that I am coming home.  He is my only child and the disappointment is so overwhelming I can't really function like I need to,

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Gwyn135

Asked by Gwyn135 at 10:58 AM on Dec. 31, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 5 (94 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Advice?????? what kind of advice?
    hodgkinrus6

    Answer by hodgkinrus6 at 11:04 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • To answer, more information is needed. Are they, is he/she living at home? Refusing to get a job? My bio family is actually dealing with this right now but my brother has 2 young children so it's a little more complicated. Anyway, I'd suggest if they/he/she lives at home to cut off the internet, tv, any cell phones, no buying food for them (of course they can eat with you but nothing special for them). I'm sure they'd be quick to find a job when life isn't so cushy. When I was out of high school, my parents told me that if I wanted to live there rent free and not have to contribute to utilities and food, I had to go to school and they would pay for my school. I was responsible for my car payments, insurance and all that though. Maybe an agreement like that would work also. Good luck!
    kittieashy

    Answer by kittieashy at 11:06 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • maybe making them pay rent or be in college. Making sure if they live with you they have a job or at least in school stuff like this as well?
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:09 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • We definitely need more info before offering advice.
    corbysmom531

    Answer by corbysmom531 at 11:13 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • need more info to help....sorry
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 11:14 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • You want to know how to enable them? Enable them to do what? Enabling can be both a good or a bad thing so I think we need more information on this one.
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 11:18 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • I won't even answer until there is more information. What are you enabling them to do? Drugs, alcohol? What? Enabling is a bad thing and can make a lot of problems worse.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:23 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • Don't enable them! That's my advice. Let them fail, fall, triumph, etc. ALL ON THEIR OWN!
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 11:41 AM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • KICK HIM OUT!!!!!!!!! Especially if he is using drugs in your house. If he wants to stay in your house..NO drugs, NO friends that use drugs, and he pays RENT, Utilities, cleans and buys food.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:07 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • He is an adult, rent and chores or collage or get a place of your own. He needs to learn how to care for himself and just drop buy for free meals and laundry.
    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 12:46 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

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