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What is a step mother's role?

I have been seeing a lot of questions about step moms which got me thinking, what is a step mother's role? I know there are lots of situations that a step mother could be in but let's say a SM who is married to the father who has visitation EOW. Is she allowed to disipline, should she be allowed to watch the kids when the father isn't there, how much say does she have over the kids (if any). When they get married, does she have the right to come in and change the rules or should she respect the rules that have already been in place. I have my opinion but I am curious as to what others think.

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JLS2388

Asked by JLS2388 at 1:16 PM on Dec. 31, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • My role as the Sm is to be the childs friend. I dont want him to think that i am trying to be mommy number 2. I didn't bring him into the world, so naturally I dont want that title. If the child is left with me when DHhas to go to work and he misbehaves, yes I discipline, but I never spank him. I leave that to his dad and mom.
    soon2bmmy

    Answer by soon2bmmy at 1:21 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • well my husbands family is a strange situation. his bio parents had 2 kids together when they were teenagers (him and his older sister) they broke up. when his dad was 22 (he was 3 his sister was 5) he started dating a 16 year old who he married 2 years later and they started having kids. she's only 33 now and husband is 19 but she still refers to both him and his older sister as her children and my 5 month old is her grandaughter. she is their second mother cause she did raise them even though she's only 12 years older than my husbands older sister. the term step mom is never used and she does get defensive when ppl use it. just because you didn't give birth to the child doesn't mean you can't be a mother to them. husband has 2 moms, thats twice the love...though it is a little funny to me that my mother in law is only 11 years older than me. ppl ask her if my daughter is her daughter and she's like "uhh my granddaughter"
    momofone725

    Answer by momofone725 at 1:24 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • Discipline yes, with physicality - no not if they are only EOW. A step mom get to be friends with her SK's. the rules develop as the relationship goes on and yes, they will change as the relationship continues because the needs will change as the kids grow older. Also this can be altered depending on how old the kids are when the SM comes into their life. Also how the bio mom handles herself plays a big part. I am a step mom. My SK's came to me at varying ages. One at birth even with the oldest 15. My relationship with each kid is different based on how their mother handled their child having a step mom.
    mom2priceboys

    Answer by mom2priceboys at 1:30 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • Personally not bashing you but I feel like a step mother's role is very minimal. If my husband and I were divorced and he remarried I wouldn't expect her to do much nor would I want to.
    ah2590

    Answer by ah2590 at 2:03 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • I agree that the SM role is not to be a parent, as they are not parents to their SK. I see so many SM (both on here and in my area) who say my son this and my dd that, meanwhile they are the SM and only sees then EOW. I would be so mad if my ex married someone who reffered to MY dd as her own. Getting married to someone with children doesn't make you a parent, it makes you a step parent.
    JLS2388

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 3:19 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

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