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How will I explain to my daughter that her "father" wanted nothing to do with her?

He's a deadbeat, but I never, ever want to speak badly of him around her. He made his decision and he must live with it, but when my daughter gets old enough to start asking questions, what will I tell her??

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amanda890

Asked by amanda890 at 9:30 PM on Dec. 31, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (3 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I would probably just say that her daddn't wasnt' able to take care of her and knew that she would be better off w/ Mommy. But it has nothing to do w/ anything you did.
    genagina

    Answer by genagina at 9:33 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • Thats a tough one single mothers are left to answer all those un answered questions, I would provide her with all his info & if she chooses to seek him out let her. The whole daddy wasnt able to take care of you rarley does the trick my mother told me that same thing and i still had questions
    Marie_07

    Answer by Marie_07 at 9:58 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • Just be honest without bashing him. My father didn't want anything to do with me, and my mom was always honest about everything. I knew why it didn't work between them and that it was his choice he wasn't around. She's going to have some hard times dealing with it I'm sure, because when you're young it's hard to understand how your father can just abandon you and not care about you at all. You're not going to be able to answer all of her questions, but just be there for her if it gets her down later on.
    EverydayMomma

    Answer by EverydayMomma at 10:19 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • I think it is nice that you don't want to bash him to her. You could just tell her that "things did not work out between dad and I and we decided to go our separate ways. It is not that he did not love you (he did in his own way) , it is just that he was not cut out to be a dad, and he felt you would be better off without him."
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:43 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • I know that I will have to do the same for my dd one day. Right now she is 4, I know it is comming
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 12:29 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I agree with the first two posters! Whatever you do, don't LIE about the circumstances leading up to your pregnancy and her birth, but DO give her his information when you feel she's old enough to understand or if she wants to, contact him and see for herself. In other words allow her to form her OWN OPINION of him! Who knows, he may be a different person by then, and WANT to establish a relationship with her.

    I'm 42, and my mother out and out lied about my father for YEARS--she still can't tell the truth, and I recently found out that he died 2 years ago. It's been hard, because I often thought maybe one of these days I would get up enough courage to contact him, but now that's never going to happen, and the relationship with my mother is completely non-existent, primarily because of her chronic lying.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:18 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • wow thats hard i wouldnt no what to say be strong mommy and good luck :)
    premiemom18

    Answer by premiemom18 at 2:09 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

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