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could a gap between ages result in a difference in how you live your life?

this may be confusing....My husband is 8 years older than me. We married when i was four months pregnant with our first child. I was only 21. I'm now almost 30 and i feel like i'm just now starting to settle into myself as a wife, mother, and woman. We have 3 kids and all i've done is have babies, hold a decent job, and try to run a home. But it seems like my husband constantly reminds me to be more "adult" than i am. maybe i'm not sayign this right. its like he talks to me like im a child instead of an adult. he always says i dont pay attention to the little things going on, that i forget easily and dont listen to what he's "really" saying. alot of times i feel like he's lived his "carefree, lets worry about ourself only" faze while i jumped from teenage to grown adult without a chance to be silly or stupid. i know i married young and had a kid young. i know i didnt plan like so many people do on the family life but i accepted my choices. and i love my kids more than anything else. maybe im being overdramatic but.....its how i feel.

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ginnylyn

Asked by ginnylyn at 10:49 PM on Dec. 31, 2010 in Relationships

Level 7 (175 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I know how you feel and sometimes you just need to put your foot down my spouse is ten years older then me and he was talking to me like I was a child it took me sitting him down and saying you might not do it this way but I do and another thing you should be able to do things the way you want to. GL Momma

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 10:55 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • My DH is 14 years older than I am we have been happily married for almost six years. We did date longer before we were married.
    But I dated two guys my own age before meeting my DH. I just loved how my DH was very interested in what I was telling him, he listened to me and we have conversation. If I do not know something he explains it or I look it up on the web.
    idaspida

    Answer by idaspida at 10:59 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • I definately see where you would think it would be the age difference. I think that, that is more likely the case then anything actually. You are still young, even though he's ONLY eight years older then you. He was 29 when you two got together, so he was just falling into the stage that you're just getting into now. You missed out on the life that he got to have being 21 and carefree, because you were married and raising a family. Which is perfectly fine if that's the life that you were happy with, but you still may be making up for those years now that you're done having children. He doesn't seem to see that, because he is soo much older then you. When you two got together he was at that "Settle down, be responsible, raise a life" stage and you weren't. So I think that the age difference does prove a difference in lifestyle and mental position in life. Which is most likely why you two are seeing the picture differently.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:40 PM on Dec. 31, 2010

  • I have a 7 year age gap. We got together when I was 24, first baby and married at 26. I had live A LOT of life for a 24 year old though, and he was a rich kid who didn't have to be as responsibilities as I had. So I think I am the one that yells at him all the time to grow up and do things a certain way even though he is now 35. The age gap has effected other things though. Like he has traveled A LOT before we got together and I want to travel too, but he feels like he's getting old and wants to pop out all these children before he gets older. So, we have issues about when to have our 3rd child when I'm wanting to wait a good 4 years, but he wants to have the next one right away.

    I would stand up to him and be like "look, this is the way I do things. Get off my back" or a nicer version of "it feels to me, like you are being condisending and I am a very responsible adult and don't like being talked to like that."
    sunshine58103

    Answer by sunshine58103 at 12:00 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Tell him he needs to learn to communicate better. It's not you it's him. He's trying to manipulate you in to thinking your are lacking in some way. That shows his low self confidence in himself so if he does it again you can ignore him, laugh at him or tell him to grow the f up.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:29 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • As far as you missing your party phase, it is too late for that. I felt that way too at one point and you just have to find other ways to have your fun. Kids are more fun than drinking anyway. They love to laugh just like drunk people, so just act drunk with them and you will have the time of your life.

    As to your hubby, I would tell him how he makes you feel. He needs to know that you want a partner, not a parent. He is belittling you and that is not right...in hindsight, I think this is kind of what I do to my fiance...I am glad that I read your post because I will be changing how I handle things from now on...thank you...
    TitusMom7

    Answer by TitusMom7 at 1:52 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I think the both of you may have to work on communication skills. If you can't talk it all out and figure out what's really bothering (I'm assuming that it might be the age difference). If that doesn't work, seek counseling.
    _Tam_

    Answer by _Tam_ at 1:55 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Maybe it's time to teach him how to treat you. Come with instructions then stick to them. Sometimes you may have to gently remind him you are in control. Thank him for being supportive then let him know thanks baby but I got this one......ya know?
    rosetoes

    Answer by rosetoes at 4:43 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I completely understand what you are saying. My ex is 13 years older than I am. Things were fine when I was 20 and he was 33, and stayed that way until I hit my late 20s but then it was like I had grown up, had 3 kids and he was still treating me like a child. I left when I was 32 and we divorced. I'm now married to a man who is much closer to my own age and much, much happier.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:34 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

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