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How come all your "friends" dissappear" when you have kids????


Asked by Anonymous at 12:51 AM on Jan. 1, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • m-avi is totally correct!.......that's how I felt when my best friend had a kid in her late twenties but we remained super close friends until I had my first child a couple years ago (in my early 30's). It always kind of irked me that she would not go out with me until she had put her son to bed (by 8:30). I have always hated kids and still do except for mine of course and I never wanted to have them, long story there! Main reason I never wanted them was the responsibility and the time they take. I had my son and my lifestyle changed drastically, changed because I always had a set ideal of a perfect mother and I could never be anything other. She wanted to start hanging out and doing adult activities after I had my son and I had no desire. I believe a mother should be home with her child and not out at bars at all hours and she continued to go out after her kid was in bed. I think that's wrong and told her so,

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 1:06 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • They didn't --what happened is that your lifestyle changed, your priorities changed, their expectations (of you and both of the previous) changed...

    It's okay. Good friends will be where you left them, when you come up for air after the early intense period... and bad friends weren't worth spending time with anyhow. In the meantime, you'll find more friends, so in the end you'll have a whole lot bigger pile when your kids are 10 or 12...

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:59 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • A true friend wouldn't.

    Answer by Noosa at 12:53 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Because they still have their freedom. To them a baby is a symbol of being tied down...

    I had mine when I was 19, so yeah.. I know the feeling! What's funny is that by the time they settled down and had kids, mine were older and I got to laugh at their struggles!!!

    Hang in there!

    Answer by m-avi at 12:54 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • .........and have not seen her in a year or so! We still keep in touch through FB, but we have very different parenting styles. She sends her son to stay for days with other people while she goes out and has fun, I have told her that I would love to reconnect and hang-out but during the day ONLY and my son would be in attendance and that's not good for her so whatever!

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 1:09 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Because they aren't TRUE. Friends

    Answer by Luckybear05 at 12:54 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Yea i guess they arent true friends i am in a relationship, raising my sons, & getting my life together they are still partying hard our maturity levels are way diffrent

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:56 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • True friends don't, but some friends do. Many friends leave because they don't have kids themselves and don't find that they have nearly as much in common with you as they used to.

    Answer by _Tam_ at 1:31 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I found that friends have different things going on in each others lives and that they don't always mesh. I did find out that I could make other friends that had similar things going on and we continue to be true friends after 22 years. Remember not every friend was meant to be in your life always. Each person we meet has their purpose, some to stay longer than others. Just treasure the time with each one.

    Answer by guyandtoni01 at 4:31 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • It most likely the ones that do not have kids I'll bet? Things change when you have babies they just do. It's kinda like if there are 100 people in the room all you can see is your child. Friends without just simply do not relate. Having children puts you into a entire new you. Hang in new friends are waiting to meet you.....promise.


    Answer by rosetoes at 4:32 AM on Jan. 1, 2011