Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do you feel about family?

I have a lot of problems with my family. My entire family, excluding only my mom and dad, lives over two hours away. I don't speak with them hardly at all. I see my parents about once or twice a month as we get together for dinner. They are very busy as they both work full time, have many pets, are part of a Harley club, are part of a Corvette club, and have a lot of property to take care of. Anyway, the rest of my family has pretty much stopped contact with me and my son simply because we aren't convenient enough. My brother, who lives near the rest of the family, had a son almost a year ago. Since his son was born, my family doesn't even call us on holidays and doesn't return my calls when I call them on the holidays. My son is too young to understand, but I understand. I have dealt with them making me feel inferior my entire life and I don't want to deal with it anymore. My fiance thinks that I should just cut them off, but I don't want to do that to my son...but I also don't want to leave him open to being hurt by them the way they have hurt me. I make half the amount of money that my brother and his wife make and have to pay for daycare...my grandmother decided that my brother and his wife needed help and watched their son for them rather than "making them pay for daycare." Nobody EVER offered me help even though we needed it really bad at one point. I am not trying to be a snot nosed little brat because it honestly isn't the money aspect that bothers me...it is all on principal. I just don't know if I should play nice since their days are numbered and I will regret not keeping a decent relationship with my family or if I should just cut my losses now to avoid the pain for myself now and for my son. I just don't want him to get the impression that family is only there for you if it is convenient for them. My grandparents didn't even come to my son's second birthday part...It just makes me sick. I don't want to invite them this year, but I am told that I have to because I am "stooping to their level" if I don't...I don't know what to do anymore...I swear that these people make me cry all the time and I don't cry easily...Sometimes I feel like I am being a whiny baby, but then I tell my in-laws about what happens and they can't believe that my family is "so cold" as they put it. My fiance's family treats me with more love and care than my entire family has EVER in my whole life. They ignore me when I come over and treat me like I am a lower class citizen simply because I didn't go to college and don't own a $600,000 house...soooooo sorry, but I do own my own house and that isn't too bad of an achievement nowadays for a early 20s person to make...Again, I know it isn't the material things, but that really is all my family cares about. I just feel defeated by my own family. Like I am nobody to them simply because I can't afford to rank with them.

 
TitusMom7

Asked by TitusMom7 at 4:34 AM on Jan. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,459 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I think your feelings are legit. Don't expect anything from them, when they help your brother don't be surprised, don't seek help, don't expect it, don't get mad when he gets it. Just know that you winging on your own, without all of the support he is getting and you are doing damn fine. It will make you stronger in the end, I know it doesn't feel like it now but you will know it sooner or later.

    Also, I had a similar situation just family in general. My grandma moved to Texas, we all live in California, to help with my cousin who had a baby. My grandma and my aunt watch that baby 6 days a week, and she sleeps over 5 days a week. My mom does not help me at all, and I also don't receive any help, unless absolutely needed, like desperate. But in the end I look at it like, I got to spend all of this time with my baby, she spends 1 day a week with hers. And I don't NEED anybody.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 4:41 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Been there, done that, mom at least made it known I was equally loved( on her death bed) tried to make me equal in other things, I have been around wealthy all my life, yet I have none. I have had 3 parents none ever made me feel special, worthy,...
    However,my granparents( maternal) made me feel as if the world would stop if it wasnt for me cause the sun rose and set upon my very head (LOL), some granparents are GOD's own angels, - rich in love. I learned the only way someone can make you feel less than, unworthy, unloved,.. is only when you give them that power to do so. I can stand alone, and real family are those I either birthed or adopted by heart, the rest I am civil too only.
    kingkongsmom

    Answer by kingkongsmom at 5:19 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Your feelings are certainly legitimate... but I would like, for the beginning of 2011, to point out for your happiness and sanity:

    Your feelings follow your thoughts...

    What you think is what you believe, what you believe is how you react, how you react is how you feel.

    You have no control over how you feel and little over how you believe. But here is the power you have, have always had and will always have: what you think is 100% within your control.

    If you learn how to control your thoughts.

    Not if you don't.

    Your family probably doesn't know that. Any of that.

    It is quite a lot of fun to be the only one who knows...
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 4:47 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I can understand your frustration with your family. As DomoniqueWS stated, this will make you stronger. It sounds like you have a great, loving fiance in your life who has a wonderful supportive family. Focus on that for you and your son as the positive. Your son will thank you for the good that you both have given him. You should still send cards to your family with pictures so that they can at least see how your son is doing. Leave it to them to make the step beyond cards. At least you have kept in touch and that is all anyone can ask of you. Your son will still have a loving home and a loving family with his other family!
    guyandtoni01

    Answer by guyandtoni01 at 4:51 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I hope you can learn to let go as you cannot fix or change them, be civil to them but dont let them have power over you to feel one way or the other.
    kingkongsmom

    Answer by kingkongsmom at 6:33 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I think you should tell them exactly how you feel. Your feelings should matter, and if this has been bothering you then letting it out and letting them know how you feel may help. Once you tell them then they will make the choice to change or not. Cutting them off completely may not be the answer. Life is too short. It seems you are doing all that you can, and that is all you can do. Talking to them either in person or over the phone of your feelings may make a difference. Maybe once they know how you feel, things will change. Keeping your feelings all bottled up is not good. I hope everything works out.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 8:38 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Wow. I am going or went through the same thing. I have decided that they are not important to me and I would rather not think of them as much as they dont think of me. I went to college, I graduated college and they all make me feel inferior because I had a daughter in the process. I kept trying for a long time to get them to accept me and want to be a part of my life and be real family but I see that is not what they want and I just live my life with the people that matters the most. You said you have your mom, dad, son, and fiance.. what more do you need? Just enjoy the company of the people you love and that loves you back. You are wasting time on them when that energy can be used somewhere else. Keep the relationship cordial and expect nothing.
    KayGia0704

    Answer by KayGia0704 at 8:55 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • There is an old saying: blood is thicker than water, and it stains.

    Sometimes, we need to build new "families", made of people we truly like and love, even if we are not related to them.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:54 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Okay First (((HUGS))) this is to true I have a family that no matter what I do stay away from me and in the end I wanted to be happy so I had to let them go and sometimes you have to keep going or decide you opened the door and now they have to walk through it. I think you should make up your mind and either speak to your parents and tell them how you feel do not hold this inside because the people who need to hear it might not know how you feel. You have to make up your mind either cut them off or make yourself known either way you have to decide. GL Momma
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:03 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I have a lot of extended family within 50 miles of us and so does hubby. We rarely to never see these people. For me, my family is my husband, my children and myself. I go visit my grandma, but everyone else just tries to start crap and bring drama into our lives. No thanks!
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:11 AM on Jan. 1, 2011