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3 Bumps

Any suggestions on what to do with a 19 yo that won't pick up after herself?

My 19 yo DD will not keep things picked up. She knows that she has to share in the chores, keep her room picked up and keep her bathroom clean. Well.....yeah, that is not working out so good. I will say that she is working full time but that does NOT excuse her from anything around the house. She leaves empty drinking glass, clothes, dirty dishes, and such in the living room. I reminder her that she has dish duty, she acknowledges it, yet somehow someone else winds up doing them several DAYS later. I am at my wits end. HELP!!!

 
guyandtoni01

Asked by guyandtoni01 at 6:58 AM on Jan. 1, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 12 (698 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I would sit down and discuss the reasons behind sharing the chores. (IE everyone lives here everyone pitches in so no one is left with ALL the work) I would also consider charging rent if you aren't already. Each time a chore is missed I would charge for your maid service. Give a deadline. 'It's your night to do the dishes. You have until tomorrow afternoon. If they are not done ___ will do them and you will owe him/her $5 for his/her services.' She is a gown up now and grown ups have to either pick up after themselves or suffer the consequences. As for her room. I would let her live in a pig sty if that is what she wants just require the door stay closed and she must do her won laundry or pay for the service.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:44 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Every time she leaves, put the shit she left out (dirty dishes she was supposed to wash, dirty clothes, etc...) on her bed and shut the door. Maybe she'll get sick of seeing it there every time she comes home and not being able to lay down at night that she'll actually do something lol. Good luck!
    gabenmikeysmom

    Answer by gabenmikeysmom at 7:16 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • An adult child is only going to listen to you at their desire. I'd get her moved out ASAP and face the real world, personally. She's not growing knowing your there to pick up after her in every aspect.
    Mandz1

    Answer by Mandz1 at 7:04 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I agree with the others! If she hasn't learned to respect your rules or take responsibility for her chores by now....it's not gonna happen by itself! I say it's ultimatum time! Since she's working full time, she can afford her OWN apartment with a roommate or two!! :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:49 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Pile anything she leaves out into one pile. Let her see for herself all that you have to pick up. Do not pick up after her. Hopefully she will pick up her mess, or be embarrassed by all the stuff in one pile. If you keep picking up after her, then she will continue to do this. Hope this helps.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 8:29 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Sit down and have a serious talk with her, with everyone else in the family there. Tell her she has not been doing what she promised and that she needs to get her own apartment. Give her a deadline, like one month. Tell her that until she moves out, she has to pay you a certain amount each week, and every week she is there, the fee goes up. Say $50 the first week, $75 the next, and so on. And if she doesn't pay, you will put her things on the street. She needs to get a wake-up call.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 8:19 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Either pile all her dirty stuff on her bed and leave it there, or throw it out the front door and point her in the same direction. At 19, she should be taking responsibility for cleaning up behind herself and it will never happen if you are doing it for her.
    Bethsunshine

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 8:53 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Don't pick up after her. Everything that she used, she dirtied, she left somewhere just put it in her room. I'm talking dirty dishes, dirty laundry, all of her electronics she left around, etc. Eventually she will get sick of it and clean. When she complains about it say "I am not your maid, I am not going to do your chores for you. If you don't like living like a slob then you pick up the slack around here." She either gets the hint or she doesn't, but if she dosen't she'll continue to live in her own filth.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:37 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Hand her a lease for her room. Include the responsibilities involved in living under your roof. With it, hand her apartment listings. She is old enough to live on her own.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:51 AM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • She either has to do what's asked to live there rent free, start paying rent OR move out.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 12:30 PM on Jan. 1, 2011