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Would you get a job just to give your paycheck to someone else?

This has been bugging for so long...my dh asked/told me to get a job and give whatever I make to his mother because she needs it! Now yes she is old (77) but she has made so many bad choices over the years and has really never had a job. I think she feels entitled just because she is his mother! Well so what! He did not move out of her house until he was 27! He gave her money every month to help with household expenses along with extra $ to get her whatever. His dad also worked and she took care of all the budgeting. Fil has since passed on.So jump to today. He has not been under her roof for 17 years, he has his own responsibilities, children, mortgage, life! She is now here under our roof and causing me stress! One of the bad choices she made was in her living arrangements. She bought a house she can not live in. The county will not allow occupancy until things are fixed. She has no money and we can not pay for 2 houses. Last month she accused my dh of taking her social security! It is direct deposit into her bank!

I almost wonder if it would be worth me giving her my income for my sanity! But that takes me away from my child! I want to spend all the time I can with my dd, she is my last child!

 
Noosa

Asked by Noosa at 2:01 PM on Jan. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,483 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • um..NO! if you are to work to give it to someone else, put it in a interest-bearing account for your dd. that's some kinda of weird relationship/issue your dh/MIL have, and i would want no part in it, especially my hard-earned $. sounds like you might need to reconsider who needs to be taken care of more..and i'm sorry to say, it ain't your MIL or dh.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 2:04 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • If she is living under your roof then you and DH are already giving her money in a round about way. I would not take a job just to pass the money onto her, that is ridiculous. I'm not sure what you can do, but this will eventually cause a huge riff, if it hasn't already, in your marriage. DH is going to have to see this and do something about it before it gets out of hand. Good luck to you:)
    shanlaree

    Answer by shanlaree at 2:07 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I'd be pissed if dh asked me to do that in the first place. Second, it's his mother not yours. I don't mean to sound harsh but it's one thing to want to help out with what you are able to and another to be stupid and let dh put you second to his mother. You are the wife he needs to set his priorities straight. You are already helping a lot by allowing her to live in your home. If he wants more help for his mother then He is the one who needs to figure something out and leave you out of it. I'm sure you have bills and expenses and IMHO you should be saving that paycheck of yours for your dd or for YOUR retirement so you don't find yourself in the MIL position down the road. Maybe MIL needs to get rid of that other home, downgrade and live within her means. Good Luck to you. Don't let your dh walk all over you, if you do "what will be the next ridiculous thing he'll ask you to do?"
    momplus01

    Answer by momplus01 at 3:37 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • i would tell my dh get a 2nd job and he hand over his money. its fine to help out but for him to say ok u work so u can give ur hard erned xtra money away to her was jerky. she gets s.s she should figure something out or at least have a sit down w/ u guys to figure something out. its not fair to u to be demaned to work so she can have your money. im all for helping but to be thoughtless is uncalled for. best of luck hun.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 2:06 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I am sorry you are going through this because it seems horrible. I don't think I would work with the sole intention of handing my earnings over to my MIL. Because I know the type of person my MIL is, I am irritated for you. I work for my money and it goes towards the household. NOT my MIL. Your husband needs to figure out his priorities. Is the cord not cut or is he now a married man with children?
    Izsarejman

    Answer by Izsarejman at 2:20 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • HA I wouldn't I'm sorry but sounds like she made her own bed, and your husband has no right to tell you to do that!!! It isn't your mother!
    sissy0604

    Answer by sissy0604 at 2:23 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • No way in HELL would I ever work and give money to my MIL. The only case would be to pay for a nursing home to keep her out of my house. Yes, she is that bad. If my husband tried to pull that crap I might be getting myself a job and supporting myself and let him go back to momma.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 2:41 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I think you need to come up with a way to help your MIL without working a job and giving all the money to her. It isn't all or none, but no, definitely don't work and give 100% to her. You'll just build up a huge resentment.
    b_Jessica

    Answer by b_Jessica at 2:59 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Nope... she needs to grow up and take responsability for herself...
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 3:19 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • OH HECK NO!
    IraqiVetWife

    Answer by IraqiVetWife at 3:22 PM on Jan. 1, 2011