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How do I juggle relatives when the baby is born??

We have a 2 1/2 yo and have a baby due in April via c-section. We have no family nearby, so everyone will have to travel here to visit. I have asked both my mom and my mother-in-law to come help at some point when the baby comes. The problem is they both want to be here when the baby is born, as well as maybe a few days before and after. To make matters worse we do not have any extra beds in our house. We only have my son's bed, but with all the change he is facing, I don't want to kick him out of his own bed. He needs some normalcy in his little life! Also, my mom wants to bring her husband, who I adore, but its just one more person I have to try to make comfortable and happy. I hope they know this is not a vacation--I will probably just boss everyone around most of the time! My husband says stop fussing about this and let them come, and they can do whatever they want. But I need to know where everyone is staying, who is helping with my son, when is everyone arriving/leaving. My mom wants to take care of my son while we are at the hospital, but so does my mother-in-law. My M-in-L knows him better, and sees him
much more often, so that is another reason my mom wants to do this. UGH! I don't know what to tell them! Please help me!
I would like my own mother to be here when the baby is born, since she didn't see my son until he was a month old. However, its a c-section and she won't be able to be in there anyway, so really it doesn't matter. I DO NOT want anyone, other than my husband, to spend the night at the hospital, like my m-in-l did when my son was born. She snored in the chair all night and looked so uncomfortable I didn't get any sleep.
Geez, just help, someone, please.

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Asked by TanaJ979 at 2:06 PM on Jan. 1, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 5 (78 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • you need to put your baby first now....tell them they need to figure out sleeping arrangements on their own, whether it's in a hotel or with friends, or whatever...your duty is not to be a good hostess at this point. They know they are there to help with the baby and you need your focus to be on the will have enough on your plate without worrying about moms :) good luck!

    Answer by calliesmommie at 2:13 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • They need to let you know when they are coming and how long they are staying. If you don't have the room at your house have them stay at a hotel. They can BOTH stay with your son while you are in the hospital just let them know ahead of time that they will both be helping out. Good luck with working it all out.

    Answer by kmath at 2:15 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I had both my mom and my in-laws come when I had my was a little crazy but not for mom stayed longer then everyone else because they had to get back to work. My mom stayed at the hospital with me for most of the time I was there and DH would drive home and back to the hospital every day and his parents stayed in a hotel by my house. After that it was different friends and family all coming over....a few people would be here for a week then they would leave and a few days later someone new stayed with us...this went on for about 2 months. It was great to have the company and the help but it was nice that it wasnt all at once. As far as who is taking care of your son when you are in the hospital I would let both of them take care of him at your house....If you have an airmattress taht would be best so DS can keep his bed. Good luck and dont stress about it. It will all work out fine!! =) congrats!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • you take control right now. you tell your doctor/nurses who you want in the room at all times. its your decision, and the hospital will make sure no one is in the room that you do not want.
    as for the home-issue..tell both gma's to get hotel rooms. they can come over during the day, and stay as late as they want (within reason), but must stay the night in the hotel, as you do not have the room for everyone. (they know this!) if your dh is too wussy to tell his own mother how its gonna be, you will have to. you are in charge.
    have them take turns spending time with the 2 1/2yo, taking him out daily for adventures, or even if its just back to their hotel room. you won't be that messed up recovering from CS-it's not that bad. yes, it'd be nice to be able to sleep all night right after you come home, but would you, even if MIL/mom was there? probably not.
    you simply don't have the room for extra people. HOTEL!!

    Answer by dullscissors at 2:15 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Let them both come but explain the situation with beds and why your son won't be giving up his. If you son want mil in the hops with you give her the task of keeping your older boy. You can possibly even use her snoring in the chair as le erase for your mom. Tell your mom you want her with you. Or both grandmas can take your son together.
    If your family can afford to stay in a hotel that may help some of your problems and your son may have fun staying there with them. When my sin was born my daughter thought it was so fun staying in the hotel with her grandma and grampa when they came from our of town to visit/ help out.

    Answer by JadeRDragosani at 2:17 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I think I would break the time up into two intervals. I think you could have your mom come for the before when you are at the hospital and save the other for your mother in law or vica versa. As you say it will be a lot of people to accomodate under one roof.

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 2:31 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • You and your husband need to lay down the rules with your mothers. Decide who is coming when, and where they will sleep. They always have the option of staying at a motel

    Answer by rkoloms at 2:34 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

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