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would you help? sorry VENT

so i work with this girl who doesnt want kids. she has been telling me her period hasnt came in 2 months. she doesnt have insurance and her husband is VERY controlling. (he has called the work to see how much her check was and if she has picked it up). well she finally took a pregnancy test and must have gotten an invalid one because nothing came up. she doesnt want to buy another one cause she says its a waste of money. i guess her husband lost his job and she only works 4 hours a week maximum. i bought her another test and it came up positive. she doesnt want to find a doctor, because of insurance issues. i gave her all the information for the state aid, WIC, and many other local support groups. her husbabnd is so controlling that i am afraid that he may be brain-washing her. i know she in concerned cause she asks me all the time what i have been experiencing, and who my doctor is. i gave her some prenatal vitamins but she leaves them in her locker. i am just afraid that her husband doesnt want her to get any kind of help, and i dont know what to do anymore. i worry about her saftey and also the baby. what would you do?

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Asked by new_mom_2011 at 3:47 PM on Jan. 1, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 4 (52 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • You've done everything you could. You can't make her do things. She will have to go see a doctor eventually. It's her choice not yours. You did you best.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 3:49 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Just keep being a good friend. Do what you feel you need to do, buy prenatals, encourage doctor visits, find resources, etc, because in the end if your heart is saying be there for here you should be.

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 3:50 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I would sit down and talk to her. Let her know that she can talk to you and call you when she needs to. Shes an adult and if she wont take your advice then really there is nothing you can do. But its worth a shot. Maybe she doesnt have anyone to go to and is not comfortable with the situation. Just make yourself available without judgement and without stepping on her husbands toes. You dont want her to go back and tell him anything that may make things worse. Just be a friend and try not to give too much advice without her asking. Just be there for support. GL

    Answer by Steph319 at 3:52 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • I would just keep giving her resource info. Maybe find a free clinic near you, ask her about making an appointment and offer take her there after work one day for a prenatal check.

    That way she won't have to worry about insurance and can make sure her baby is safe. If she wants to leave her husband find her an abuse hotline to talk her through it.

    Answer by miasmommy21407 at 3:55 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • keep being a good friend and encouraging her to do whats right, if that means she needs to leave her relationship then thats what she needs to do! Just be there for her!

    Answer by courtneycra at 3:56 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Hi. Wow you have been given a tremendous gift. She came to you and you were there to share yourself. Now step back Hun and let it go. She is listening and values what you share. Why? She knows your special enough to her to ask. Put her into a box with a pretty bow and let her do the next thing.

    bow downMichelle


    Answer by rosetoes at 4:15 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Yikes, that is scary. And sad. Does your city have shelters for women who want to escape abusive relationships and start over? Does she have family nearby? He has probably isolated her from her friends and family (it is difficult to control someone who sees her parents and siblings regularly), but if you can, you should try contacting them for help. If she stays with this man, he will abuse their child and teach them that women are objects to be owned and controlled. The cycle of abuse will be perpetuated. She needs to get away from him ASAP. Unfortunately, that is easier said than done. Since she has a locker at work, you could help her get information to make an escape plan that she wouldn't have to take home where he might find it. I hate to say it, but you might be her only hope.

    Answer by jessi217 at 4:19 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • Oh wow... that is terrible. I would just keep trying to help her in anyway you can. :( Nothing more to really do...

    Answer by sissy0604 at 6:05 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

  • you've done alot for her already...probably all you possibly can. just let her know if she needs help she can call you anytime....

    Answer by stephanieplante at 9:43 PM on Jan. 1, 2011

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