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Trouble with a family member

So here is the situation: When I had my son, my brother did not come to visit us in the hospital. He did not call to ask how I was, and he did not ask about the baby. He then did not make any effort to come and meet his son for an entire month after he was born. He didn't see him until we both HAPPENED to be at my parents house at the same time. I finally said to him "don't you want to see your nephew?" and he said to me "All babies look the same to me." I yelled at him and said "This one is mine! He is your nephew! And it would have been nice if you had come to see me in the hospital! I had major abdominal surgery!" He ended up apologizing. Then three months later (last week) I had an emergency appendectomy and again he didn't call or visit me. I think he's mad because it was his birthday. What the heck do you do in this situation? I am so hurt.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Nov. 10, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • You people are cracked. The guy is clearly a jerk. If my brother didn't come to visit me in the hospital I'd be pissed.

    Answer by beckcorc at 12:36 PM on May. 27, 2009

  • most males stay away from this kind of stuff, my brother never came to see my children, I dont remember him coming to visit me in the hospital niether when I had surgery, my step dad wont even hold them until there about 4 to 6 months and will only came to the hospital to drop stuff off or give us a ride home. Trust me your brother loves you, some males just dont show affection try talking to him in a nice way saying your feelings were hurt, and ask him to be there when you need him before you need him.

    Answer by tatalalicious at 11:53 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Omg I would be so hurt too. I guess you did what you could do- told him how you felt about his lack of support and he didn't take it very well. It's not your fault that he is choosing to be inconsiderate. Sorry about your appendix, by the way. I hope you have someone to help you with your baby while healing

    Answer by snoober_k at 11:58 PM on Nov. 10, 2008

  • Sounds like he's a typical man.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • whooa! I know hes your brother, but really darling, your acting as if he was your spouse. He is NOT your keeper and you should quit acting as though he was. then maybe he would come around more. Your a nag! your naggin about something he should only have a small interest in, just as he does. He MUST have a life outside of yours, you obviously have one outside of his. so quite with the wife attachment sh*$! Hes your brother! you two are both grown people. Live you life, let him live his. enjoy the small times you have together without the over exaggerated expectations. YOUR NOT MARRIED TO HIM cut you apron strings & grow up!.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • My brother hates hospitals and his first child (his only daughter died after only being born hours). He came to see me when I gave birth to my daughter, she was in the NICU for 10 days and he works nights so he went to the hospital with out sleeping.

    It hurt him so bad to be there but he wanted to meet his niece, it reminded him of all three of his kids who were all premature so they were all in incubators, plus reminded him of his little girl whom my daughter looked exactly like.

    My point, it's about putting aside one's own selfishness and that's what my brother did. Now when my son was born almost no one went because there wasa really bad snow strom and streets were closed off, no brother did go I have him on film... Okay but I have another brother who doesn't go to hospitals and he saw both kids the day they came home from the hospital.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:19 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • I agree with Anon 12:26... and I wanted to add:
    Unfortunately, you cannot make someone care about you, or anyone in your life. You'll just have to love your brother the way he is. The more you force him to care, the more he will pull away.

    Answer by brandyj at 1:21 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • You can't force him into this. Take what you can get. It's his loss, really.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:12 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Seems pretty childish to me..
    I didn't even call my brother when I had my kids.. What the hell does he care?? He hears the news via our parents, and he comes to visit when he's got time.. We're not close like we were when we were kids, but we get along great.. We just don't have to put on a show for each other- we have our own lives..
    BTW- he only sees my kids once every few months and my oldest DD just LOVES him, and he's great with my newborn..
    Quality, not quantity.
    I happen to think your brother is right on this. Why do you want him there? Do you just need another person to ooh and ahh over you??

    Answer by Liyoness at 2:49 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • A lot of men don't go to hospitals to see people's babies, even family. It's a rarity for a man to even stay there when his own child is born more than necessary (mine sure didn't, with either kids), nor did he even come when I had my tubes tied (simple procedure he said). Men think with their heads, not their hearts more often than not. Is it possible that he's had a bad experience in a hospital? I hate going to them to visit anyone but I will when I feel like I should.
    My brothers (have 3) don't see my kids very often at all (we live quite a ways apart) don't ask for photo's, don't call on birthdays etc... I think it's a guy thing. If he's not got any kids of his own, he doesn't yet understand.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:02 AM on Nov. 11, 2008