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What would you do?

My daughter told me yesterday that her father sent her and invitaion to be her friend on FB. Her father, which she would rather call "a sperm donor", has never really been in her life in any way through the years. I asked what she was going to do and she said she wasn't sure yet. She doesn't want anything to do with him at all, and he doesn't understand why. I realize that it's her decision and am okay with it. I told her if it was me, I would ignore it. Why does he still try to be a part of her life, when he turned his back on her many years ago? He made his choice and I had no part of it. If he's feeling guilt, he should have felt that a long time ago. I guess since her half brother turned 18 last week, that he's had her on his mind. But the fact remains, he can't go back and undo what he has already done. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

 
amessageofhope

Asked by amessageofhope at 12:45 AM on Jan. 2, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 23 (17,397 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I don't really think you're wrong - but people do change, mature and realzie their mistakes, too. Does that mean it should all be just peachy? No, his decisions hugely impacted the lives of his children. You can't change that. I DO think you're wise to let your daughter make her choice as she's an adult and just be there to support her no matter where it leads.

    Good luck!!
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 12:49 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • People change with age and maturity.  It could be that his priorities have changed and building a relationship with his daughter is important to him now.  It is your daughter's decision but I don't think it is ever too late to try.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 10:06 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • My MIl just regained a relationship with her father that she never had any contact with, EVER. And she is 42, he said that he was wrong for not being in her life and really regrets it, and now they have a good relationship. Maybe he is finally coming to his sences that he is a father and he does have a daughter. Maybe he went through a change of life and wants to make sure that his daughter accepts him.
    leksismommy

    Answer by leksismommy at 12:52 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • MIL***
    leksismommy

    Answer by leksismommy at 12:53 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I think your daughter already knows what she wants to do, she was just testing the water-to see how you felt about it. It is never too late for a father/daughter to bond, and I think you should encourage her to do so.
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 1:00 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I don't think you are overreacting at all. if he hurts that child again by turning his back......you are left to pick up the pieces! People who haven't been through this can't possibly understand what it's like to helplessly watch your child suffer at the hand of the other parent! Use your gut and just continue to be there for her! GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:31 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • It is never too late for families to reunite, give her a chance she is old enough to handle what he brings her way.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:10 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • He can't go back and change the past but he can have a relationship with her in the present and future. She needs to be the adult that she is and have an open mind, she needs to talk to him about how she has felt all these years. She needs to talk to him, not you, not through you and not with you. It is never too late to reunite with a parent or family member. Life is too short to hold grudges.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:54 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • A Facebook invitation isn't an indicator of change or maturity. If he really has changed and wants a relationship with the daughter he abandonded years age he should be an adult and pick up the phone to ask if he can see her. It's up to her now if she even wants a relationship with him. Life is short but that should not be a get out of jail free card for everyone to just do whatever they want. The fact is people are entitled to they way they feel especially after they've been hurt by someone else's careless actions. She can decide what she wants to do but you can be there to listen.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 12:16 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Sometimes people change when they get older. They see the errors of their wys when their mortality is facing them. Whatever your daughter decides, she is an an adult and she can handle it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

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