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I need help with my 9 year old!!

I am a single mother of a 6 year old and a 9 year old my problem is not having a father at all in there life is causing problems. My 6 year went back to peeing the bed and my 9 year old throws temper tantrums like she is 2. I am at my wits end. I don't know how to deal with it please someone give me advice.

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purplemouse

Asked by purplemouse at 12:52 AM on Nov. 11, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • I would say that maybe some family counseling is needed. It is nothing to be ashamed of. You are one person and you can only spread yourself so thin. However, I do not feel that the issue of not having a father figureis a factor. I know so many people who grew up without fathers and are perfectly fine.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Do they have a male role model in their lives? If so what my suggestion would be is start doing stuff with that male role model. Be it a grandpa or uncle or even a family friend. They may feel like they are missing out on something. Also talk to them and reassure them that mom can handle whatever jusmps in the way. Have you guys tried movie nights once a week. Make a bunch of junkfood and watch whatever movies you want...Kids love this and we do this all the time. It is amazing how much my 11 year old opens up when its movie night. He talks about school drama or whatever that may be bugging him. Be there and just listen...
    nyteowl

    Answer by nyteowl at 1:09 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • i would agree to just start listening to the kids. just let them talk all day and say whatever they want. modify the fluid intake of the younger one until the emotional aspects are somewhat modified, but unti then just let them express whatever they need to get out. it's very hard, i can only imagine. bless you during this time and keep in mind you will get through it.
    JumpingHoops

    Answer by JumpingHoops at 10:01 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Not having dad around is hard, children need to know they are loved by both parents. When one parent does not make an effort to parent the children often feel unlovable and sometimes unsafe (as in what will happen to us if something happens to mom). It is normal that they grieve this loss. More than likely their grief will be an ongoing issue in their life and will need to learn healthy ways to cope with these feelings of loss. A couple of thoughs: finding counseling for them. Also there are many areas that have a support group for children and single moms. Find activites that they are interested in (sports, clubs, ect..) to help them build up healthy self-esteems. They also need to see that you are strong and are able to provide for their needs and keep them safe.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:23 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • cont..
    There should be many books available at your local library that are age appropriate for your children. You and them can snuggle together with blankets and pillows and read one together. Then hear what they have to say. Ask them some questions about how they are feeling. Ask them what they think they need right now. Listen without judgment. It may feel like their fears or thoughts are blaming you for not being good enough or having their dad around. Resist the urge to be defend yourself. Make some fun outings for you and the girls. Local parks are free, school events, and check out your local free parent magazine for events comming up. Movie and game nights are always a sure bonding experience.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:27 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • cont...
    When your nine year old throws a tantrum, either ignore it, walk away, or put her in her room. As long as she is safe then she can have her fit. When she is calm again and when some time has passed by, ask her if she feels better now (without sarcasim). Then have her make some suggestions about the next time the situation happens what she would do. She will continue to have tantrums as long as someone continues to respond to her. You are not ignoring her feelings, just ignoring the inappropriate outbursts. And you can tell her that. You can also take your six year old to her doctor for a health check up and mention the urinatinating in the bed. When your kids feel that their universe is safe (and kids always they are at its center) then your house will have peace. It will take time. Hang in there.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:33 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

  • Thank you all for the advice, I do, game night and movie night but maybe I need to listen more and keep my cool when she throws a fit. Thanx again for the support and advice.
    purplemouse

    Answer by purplemouse at 9:35 PM on Nov. 11, 2008

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