Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

relationships

I'm in an emotionally abusive relationship I'm afraid to do anything because it will be the wrong way or not done right and I'm afraid if I do leave that my son's dad and his family will try to take my son away. What's really pathetic is that my whole life I've been verbally, emotionally, and mentally abused. And now I'm in a relationship with someone who is being emotionally and mentally abusive. Please help me :-(

Answer Question
 
lonemom1987

Asked by lonemom1987 at 8:41 AM on Jan. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (207 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Call a rape crisis center, that's the group in my area that also helps women in abusive relationships, now! They will help you get the information you need. Don't listen to him saying he and his family will take your child away. It's very hard to do that if the mother is not abusing the child in some way. The courts side with the mother in all but the most heinous cases. You know you need to leave, you just need some information in how to do it.
    SweetLuci

    Answer by SweetLuci at 8:47 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • No one has a right to treat you like crap dear.. I used to allow people (men particularly) treat me like crap and I woke up one day and said this isn't worth it.. I can't get what I want out of life if I allow someone to take everything away from me. Men that hit and talk down to their women are insecure pieces of _____. I know it is different in different states but I can tell you in MO it is VERY hard to get a child taken away from it's mother, my husband has a son and his mother is seriously not all there, she gets a lot of money each month for child support, yet my step son comes to our home with holes in his shoes, socks and clothes. She doesn't give him bathes and the few times she does, she doesn't make him wash his hair, so when he gets out of our tub, there is a black ring around it. She lives in a not so safe area with rather crappy schools and will not allow her child to go to our school district which is one of
    Pregowtwinsmo

    Answer by Pregowtwinsmo at 8:48 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • It's pretty much not heard of for a court to side with a father, only if the mother is a drug addict etc. Even then the courts sometimes side with the mother, so take that out of the equation.
    leah_rai

    Answer by leah_rai at 8:50 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • First, you need a good support system...lean on friends and family to help you get through this. Second, you need a good lawyer...they are pricey but make the difference. Last, you are going to need to go to counseling. These are the steps that my friend who was being mentally, emotionally, verbally and occasionally physically abused went through. She did not lose her daughter though. She does have to share custody but he only gets her every other weekend and one night each week for 2 hours. The guy still harasses her each time they have to see each other and through constant text messaging, but at least she is mainly free of him for the most part! Best of luck to you!
    MommyH2

    Answer by MommyH2 at 8:50 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • (cont) the best in our area. When we went to court the last time (she quit her job and told the state my hubby didn't pay support), the attorney advised us that there was very little chance of us getting custody.. unless they can prove that you would do something harmful to the child or that you have a questionable lifestyle you should be fine. There are many places out there that can help you and it sounds like you just need someone to tell you that it's ok to do it... Men always underestimate women, you can prove him wrong and get out and do something wonderful for yourself and your child! Good luck!
    Pregowtwinsmo

    Answer by Pregowtwinsmo at 8:52 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I am in counciling I have only one friend in the area but don't see him much I am pretty isolated I don't have a relationship with my family cause they were never around growing up
    lonemom1987

    Comment by lonemom1987 (original poster) at 8:58 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I have been in the same place. First you have to be completely ready to leave. Abused ppl have low self-esteem, so you need to get some counseling, you have to be rock solid on the inside to take this stand. Don't be afraid to go to your nearest women's shelter or a church for help. Especially if you think there will be custody issues. Go to your local library or book store and find information on this topic for reference. When I tell you this I'm not trying to hurt you but it was something I had to face also it's crucial You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and stand up and claim your life. This your journey don't let anyone take it from you! You have taken the first step by recognizing the abuse your on your way just keep pushing yourself. If you ever need to talk look me up, I've been in a abusive relationship for 11yrs and I'm making it out and so can you.

    aitson

    Answer by aitson at 9:03 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • They can't take your son away for THEM being abusive to you. It's how people like that try to manipulate others. I bet almost every woman who has been verbally abused and wanted to leave was threatened with having the child/ren taken away. It's how abusers keep you under control. Mine tried that crap and I told him fine, I'm out of here. YOU take care of all three of these kids. He backed down quickly. He didn't want them. He just wanted to control me. It didn't happen. I left and with my kids.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:42 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • You and your son safty is what important and you need to get out before the abuse get worse dont sit and stay get your child and get into a shelter that will set you up with a legal team and assistance. If your in counciling you should not return home get to a shelter fast!! The father cant take your son from you.every second a woman and child is abuse by the father every second that mother and child is murder by the hands of the abusier
    tinamarie1972

    Answer by tinamarie1972 at 5:10 AM on Jan. 4, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.