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2 Bumps

getting over deception help?

well my spouse did something behind my back and i found out. this is not the first time it has happened. I feel really hurt. Lies of omission are just as bad as lying to my face. I am not even sure where to start. what do you think my husband could do to help me move past it. Honestly i don't really want to, cuz i am still mad, but you cant stay mad when your married. how do you move past a deception?
where should i start?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:27 AM on Jan. 2, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • lies in a relationship are like a death (a death of trust)
    there is a process to go through
    anger is one of the steps at the start
    when you start to get over anger, you can then start on next step
    the one who did the lir, has to be willing to give you all the time you need
    willing to go over steps as you need
    willing to relive the lie, the anger, the mistrust
    very hard to be lied to, very hard to do the work to fix it when you are the one lying

    is he willing to do the work?
    will shoe in his actions

    if he says "why are you not over this?"=then he is not willing and it will not work

    gl
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:42 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • My dh has been dishonest over the years. At times for no real purpose except to lie. When he'll be home, why he's late (car broke down, dog missing-hunting). He has since stopped lying, but I honestly always doubt him a little. And even when I find he was truthful it doesn't erase all the times he wasn't. I have explained to my dh why I feel the way I do or react the way I'd do is because of his actions. I'm not sure if lying is a habit your dh has or if it was a one time thing. My dh could never understand why I was so upset when he lied! I suggest talking to him about it, but my dh's excuse was he didn't want me to be angry or hurt (whatever he lied about) so I should understand. lol.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:52 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Start by telling him your feelings of hurt. If he loves you he will understand and learn to respect your feelings. When I'm mad at my husband I give him the cold treatment and don't speak to him for days. he hates it and when I'm ready I let him know and then we talk and make up. But, he does things to hurt me all the time. I love him and hate in most times.
    happynewyorker

    Answer by happynewyorker at 9:40 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • You have to work through it yourself. I'd suggest communicating better with him since he obviously didn't agree with you about the omission thing.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:40 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Bump. Sorry dont have anything to offer.
    KellyOh72

    Answer by KellyOh72 at 10:41 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Trust is the hardest thing to get back and give again.I had problems with trust too.Amazing what trouble a man can get into on a computer.Never no contact just a relationship for almost 3 years on the computer.I thought i had it all and after 36 years together ,I found myself doubting ME! Not my fault,none of it.Stupidity runs rampant on this here machine.Forgive mabe,but trust again never.I still love him but now the doubt will always be there.Cannot hurt over it anymore .Too much living to do.You should tell your sigother to get his @#$#@ together .I cannot trust anyone anymore.But weird i have grown stronger from all this.And wiser!!Good Luck
    grismelda

    Answer by grismelda at 10:56 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

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