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2 Bumps

Do you ever...

just give up trying for the sake of no more arguing?

my kids gripe about chores and claim to not know what to do when its basically the same stuff they always do.

"Work before Play" and they know that but they don't want to and always give us major attitude about it. I'm tired of the fighting and am about a stone's throw from giving up and not making them do chores anymore, but I have told them not to ask for any new toys or games from me. Told them "If you want new things and rewards, you have to earn it". I left it at that and of course they got mad and told their Dad I was just trying to make em feel guilty, which I wasn't, just stating a fact. No work, no new things. Dad and Me and have to work to get new stuff, so do you and so you will as an adult, as well, this isn't a resort. My boys are both in Jr Hi, and have Special Needs but that is being taught to not be an excuse.


Asked by Zoeyis at 9:35 AM on Jan. 2, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 31 (46,808 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • With an Aspie's kid it really is tough. Everything is a fight. Everything is a disaster even when its nothing. Everything is blown up 5 times worse than anyone else would react to it. You really get indifferent to the reactions after awhile and start just picking and choosing more and more battles cuz life is just too short. Wanna get mad about every little thing? Fine, but you;re gonna have a hard life, buddy. You're doing fine. Decide for yourself if its worth the effort.

    You gave it to him, what the ultimatim is without getting in a fight and thats the way to go. Say it conversationally, like "ok no chores, but don't ask for any new things, ok Sport? cool." And he'll get mad but I bet he'll pull his weight knowing nothing new is forthcoming. Hang in there, and keep picking those battles. You don't wanna have a stroke one day cuz your stressing over something silly.

    Answer by Mandz1 at 6:05 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • my huspand is that way with his now 18yr old son,,he always gave up trying to get his son to help out and his son is not doing so well now,he thought he had to be paid everytime to do something..huspand is starting to let our 2 yr old get away with stuff i keep my foot down a parent u cant give up,,they will thank u fo rit later..

    Answer by angelairelan at 9:40 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I've taken a more immediately enforceable tactic - you work, you eat. So far that has reduced the arguments and disagreements down to less than 4 hours. :-)

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 9:49 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Dont back down! Dont give up! There are some lessons in life that MUST be taught at home b/c of the way life is outside in the real world! Parents who give up easily send their offspring into the world illprepared for whats about to smack them in the face.. Thats a NO NO! You didnt give up on them as babies did you? Dont do it now! Stand your ground and eventually they will break.

    Answer by AingealsBabies at 11:39 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • don't give up keep at it... cause if they see you just give up all the time then they will expect that all the time... let them know if they don't finish there choirs then no tv, games, phone, or play.... that you have to earn them now... oh they will start doing them trust me... my dad did it to me and sure enough it will become a habbit couse they will soon see that mom isn't going to caterer to them no more.


    Answer by Lynnsae at 6:09 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I think at that age you have to pick and choose your battles. I have 5 kids. 3 are older (22, 18, and 17). Two of them were special needs. My 17 yr old is high functioning Autistic and also knew his disability wasnt an excuse, we never treated the kids any differently because of their special needs. I got the same attitude from them I did from my 22 yr old who was not special needs though. I just got to where I pick and choose what battles I am getting into.
    I have always done all the chores basically, so that was not much of an issue. They got one chore a day and of course also their rooms. If they didnt do their chores (and sometimes still dont) I do them. Then when they ask for a ride or to come somewhere I purposely make myself too busy to take them right when they ask LOL. They have figured out if they are too busy to help me, I am too busy to do anything for them. You dont have to argue though.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:52 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I have a 21 y/o special needs son who is wonderful about helping out around the house & he works 2 days/week. His 19 y/o (not special needs) bro, is another story! I've learned w/ him to give him plenty of notice of what I expect to be done that day. Whatever you do, dont give up or back down. Then they win b/c they've found your breaking point. I like the idea of chores for food when times call for drastic measures! Afterall, when you're living on the farm, you do chores before breakfast. Most kids have it made these days & will be in for a rude awakening when they venture out in the real world. As parents, we do them a disservice if we coddle & spoil them too much. Lay down the law mama :)

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 12:41 PM on Jan. 2, 2011