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13 Bumps

Dating a "married" man (asked yesterday)

I posted this ? yesterday and got some good advice. Im asking again for more advice from those that may not have read it before I closed it.
My sister is dating a man that is married but seperated. He of course says that hes gonna be divorced but who knows when and if that will happen. Ive never met him but dont like him already. My sister is young and naive and when I tell her to be careful she gets defensive. This guy has two toddlers and one on the way! I know this is a bad situation and cant preach but support her. I was wondering how this woman is feeling whether she is still in love or not. Have you ever gone through a divorce or seperation and have had your husband dating in the mean time? How didyou feel? Were you ever pregnant at the time? How is my sister going to poss be treated as the "other woman"? Is she really the other woman if they are seperated and not living together? Thanks for your input. I really appreciate it. I love my sister and want to be prepared for what she may face.

PS..She says she knows that the new baby could poss rekindle their romance/marriage. But at the same time she flew to Jamaica with him just for the weekend for new years

Answer Question
 
Steph319

Asked by Steph319 at 9:52 AM on Jan. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 21 (11,543 Credits)
Answers (32)
  • IF you cant answer then please bump so I can get as much advice as poss. Thanks :)
    Steph319

    Comment by Steph319 (original poster) at 9:59 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I would tell her not to get seriously involved until he is completely divorced from his wife. Some men say they are getting divorced just to keep the other woman at a grasp.
    sweetpea1217

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 10:00 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • your sister will learn a life lesson from this
    and most likely this will end with your sister getting hurt

    question...does the wife know?
    sometimes a separation means the two married date, sometimes it means they are still working on relationship
    the husband may have told girlfriend one thing and the wife another

    you can preach, but then sister may distanance herself more from you and not tell you things,
    imo.. all you can do is be there when this falls apart

    who wants to be with a man who is dating while his wive has two toddlers and baby on the way
    does not sound like a quality man
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:02 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I´m wondering if the pregnant wife is even aware that she is seperated.
    Syphon

    Answer by Syphon at 10:04 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • who wants to be with a man who is dating while his wive has two toddlers and baby on the way
    does not sound like a quality man


    Exactly. I thought she was smarter than that. But she has low self esteem and just broke up with her ex. They seem to both be rebounding on eachother( her and the married guy). I just wish she would want more for herself
    Steph319

    Comment by Steph319 (original poster) at 10:04 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I´m wondering if the pregnant wife is even aware that she is seperated.


    Def a poss that I didnt even think about. The only thing is that he has his own place but that doesnt have to mean anything! IT could be a "rental property" to the wife
    Steph319

    Comment by Steph319 (original poster) at 10:06 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I personally have not gone through this, but I have sat and watched both my little sister and my aunt go through this. Neither of the wives were pregnant at the time, but in both cases, there was a child under the age of 5 involved. It's tough to tell her not to get too involved until the divorce is final, because chances are, she's already in too deep. I would just be there to listen, offer as much support as you can, and if for whatever reason he ends up back with his wife, be there to help her pick up the pieces. Sorry I can't help more. I was in your same position, and that's the only thing I could really do.
    Eviesmommy

    Answer by Eviesmommy at 10:06 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Until he was completely divorced she should stay away from him but we all know that affairs of the heart don't always lead us to do the right thing. She is probably going to get hurt. Just be there for her if he does get back together with his wife. I would think he is having his cake and eating it also.
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 10:08 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • i chose not too because when i was married that was one of the things i did not tolerate. i empathize with women who have to go through this as i see it as a form of mental abuse by a man to satisfy his own ego.
    auntied222

    Answer by auntied222 at 10:36 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I was pregnant with child #3 when my x left. I found out he was dating another woman (when she ended up pregnant too and called me). I was so focused on taking care of my two children and being pregnant I didn't care. I was emotionally drained. Having him gone was actually a relief to me. We didn't fight when he was gone. I could rest. I could enjoy my children. We did eventually get a divorce but I hated him so bad by that time I didn't care if he had a dozen other women.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:37 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

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