Well, I know what I've gotta do - I've gotta talk to her - but because of the sensitivity of the relationship with her - I have to be careful.
First, through talking to you guys on here, I've figured out that she's completely co-dependent. She literally injects herself (without invitation) into ANY life she comes in contact with and she really pushes the boundaries of my ability to not just snap and tell her off.
Living next to your landlord is difficult enough; physical proximity alone puts your landlord closer than you might like them to be ---- there is no such thing as 24 hour notice before coming over - this woman takes liberty with EVERYTHING ---- (leaf blowing, straightening up under my carport, opening my house to check on the dogs (UNINVITED) ( and when I've only been gone for a couple of hours) , thinking that she has to provide the batteries for the fireplace remote (yeah, I know, that's nice - but it is NOT warranted or wanted - I'd much prefer to provide my own batteries and enjoy a comfortable level of privacy).
Anyhow, NOW she's going WAY too far --- recently I had a family emergency out of state and had to leave for almost a week (my husband didn't go with me) --- so anyway, being the nature of the emergency it was - there was little need to not tell her why I had left, where I was and what was going on (and my poor husband didn't think it would be a problem to tell her) --- my BIL was Very sick and nearly died. DH told her to keep him in her prayers. BIL spent a month in ICU but is finally home now and doing much better. Anyhow the moment she found out she started calling and texting me like 5 times a freaking day! Okay, I know you want to show your concern, but back the hell off, I'm dealing with my family I don't have time for this!
Two days ago I get an email from her --- she freaking wants me to give her my dad's name and phone number so she can call him and chat with him about "the elders anointing my BIL with oil and praying for him". First of all --- UM NO ---- my relationship with my family has always been strained enough and I just started putting things back together with them --- I don't need you interfering --- NOT TO MENTION my mother is a very jealous woman -- and I don't even wanna know all the hell and grief it's gonna cause between she and I when I give a strange woman my dad's phone number.
I swear I love my house - but I'm gonna just wait out my lease and then I'm getting the hell away from this woman -- she's effin nuts!
BUT in the meantime - I have GOT to talk to her and tell her that she can't have my dad's number, BUT I don't want to give her any more info than what I just HAVE to disclose ---
Y'all help me with my dialog..... I gotta put this in a diplomatic way, I don't wanna hurt her feelings, and I sure don't wanna piss her off ---- but I gotta get her to back the hell off and get out of my business.
She's my neighbor
She's also *My Landlord*
She means no harm
She is just WAY too involved in my daily life - WITHOUT invitation
NOW she wants to be involved with my family too!
(NOTE: Please don't tell me to just "tell her off" - I'm not that kind of person, AND unless I actually walk in my house and find her in here, every time she does something is when I'm gone - and I come home to find she's been down here or she'll tell me a few days after the fact. She really is a nice, charitable, loving woman WHO HAPPENS to be co-dependent, has ADHD and a LONG STANDING MEMBER of the community. I haven't talked to anyone else around here about her - we're new here and I wouldn't want it getting back to her that I'm 'questioning people' about her -- I have to live her till September. I had NO WAY of knowing she was like this until after it was too late. ) And yes, I've posted about her before - it just seems that the interfering keeps getting deeper and deeper - I've gotta do something before I find myself being stalked by her or something. )
Asked by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Jan. 2, 2011 in Relationships
Answer by gammie at 11:39 AM on Jan. 2, 2011
Answer by mrskrisher at 11:40 AM on Jan. 2, 2011
Answer by countrygirl06 at 11:43 AM on Jan. 2, 2011
I would tell her that it's very sweet of her to have such concern but that her prayers are quite enough for the situation. You would hate to make an uncomfortable situation worse for your father by him receiving a phone call from someone that is a stranger to him speaking about something that is deeply personal. Assure her that he is covered by supportive members of family and friends but that her concern and prayers are appreciated. If you have to, tell her that your father is a very private person and wouldn't appreciate being put in a position of talking to a stranger on the phone about something personal to him.
As for going forth, I would just start drawing those little boundaries until you can make alternate living arrangements.
Answer by QuinnMae at 11:47 AM on Jan. 2, 2011
Answer by rebeccadac at 12:04 PM on Jan. 2, 2011
If you are trying to avoid telling her in stronger terms, then just start with the smaller boundaries by saying 'I am really just more comfortable with my DH taking me, but thank you so much for your support'. If she keeps it up, just squash her suggestions by saying, 'that doesn't work for me / us / him'. If she won't let you off the phone tell her that you want to lay down to rest. or that you are on the other line with someone. I don't know how you can avoid using stronger terms though. She seems like she escalates very quickly.
Answer by QuinnMae at 12:09 PM on Jan. 2, 2011
Answer by gammie at 12:30 PM on Jan. 2, 2011
Answer by Noosa at 12:54 PM on Jan. 2, 2011
Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:02 PM on Jan. 2, 2011
Check out some of the top posts today in Groups: