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2 Bumps

Help with my dialog? I gotta talk to her. (long cuz you need to understand the WHOLE story)

Well, I know what I've gotta do - I've gotta talk to her - but because of the sensitivity of the relationship with her - I have to be careful.

First, through talking to you guys on here, I've figured out that she's completely co-dependent. She literally injects herself (without invitation) into ANY life she comes in contact with and she really pushes the boundaries of my ability to not just snap and tell her off.

Living next to your landlord is difficult enough; physical proximity alone puts your landlord closer than you might like them to be ---- there is no such thing as 24 hour notice before coming over - this woman takes liberty with EVERYTHING ---- (leaf blowing, straightening up under my carport, opening my house to check on the dogs (UNINVITED) ( and when I've only been gone for a couple of hours) , thinking that she has to provide the batteries for the fireplace remote (yeah, I know, that's nice - but it is NOT warranted or wanted - I'd much prefer to provide my own batteries and enjoy a comfortable level of privacy).

Anyhow, NOW she's going WAY too far --- recently I had a family emergency out of state and had to leave for almost a week (my husband didn't go with me) --- so anyway, being the nature of the emergency it was - there was little need to not tell her why I had left, where I was and what was going on (and my poor husband didn't think it would be a problem to tell her) --- my BIL was Very sick and nearly died. DH told her to keep him in her prayers. BIL spent a month in ICU but is finally home now and doing much better. Anyhow the moment she found out she started calling and texting me like 5 times a freaking day! Okay, I know you want to show your concern, but back the hell off, I'm dealing with my family I don't have time for this!

Two days ago I get an email from her --- she freaking wants me to give her my dad's name and phone number so she can call him and chat with him about "the elders anointing my BIL with oil and praying for him". First of all --- UM NO ---- my relationship with my family has always been strained enough and I just started putting things back together with them --- I don't need you interfering --- NOT TO MENTION my mother is a very jealous woman -- and I don't even wanna know all the hell and grief it's gonna cause between she and I when I give a strange woman my dad's phone number.

I swear I love my house - but I'm gonna just wait out my lease and then I'm getting the hell away from this woman -- she's effin nuts!

BUT in the meantime - I have GOT to talk to her and tell her that she can't have my dad's number, BUT I don't want to give her any more info than what I just HAVE to disclose ---

Y'all help me with my dialog..... I gotta put this in a diplomatic way, I don't wanna hurt her feelings, and I sure don't wanna piss her off ---- but I gotta get her to back the hell off and get out of my business.

Few Details:
She's my neighbor
She's also *My Landlord*
She means no harm
She is just WAY too involved in my daily life - WITHOUT invitation
NOW she wants to be involved with my family too!

(NOTE: Please don't tell me to just "tell her off" - I'm not that kind of person, AND unless I actually walk in my house and find her in here, every time she does something is when I'm gone - and I come home to find she's been down here or she'll tell me a few days after the fact. She really is a nice, charitable, loving woman WHO HAPPENS to be co-dependent, has ADHD and a LONG STANDING MEMBER of the community. I haven't talked to anyone else around here about her - we're new here and I wouldn't want it getting back to her that I'm 'questioning people' about her -- I have to live her till September. I had NO WAY of knowing she was like this until after it was too late. ) And yes, I've posted about her before - it just seems that the interfering keeps getting deeper and deeper - I've gotta do something before I find myself being stalked by her or something. )

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:28 AM on Jan. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Tell her about your dads phone number that you are told by them that you are not allowed to give their number to anyone, so you can't sorry.

    With her coming in the home just tell her thank you for being so kind but you would like her to call before going in to your home and that some things you can do yourself.

    And than move ASP she will never change.

    Answer by gammie at 11:39 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • If the only thing you are trying to accomplish is to tell her she can not have a family member's phone number, simply say, "I'm sorry. I can't." or, "Dad isn't comfortable giving out his number." Something as simple as that. Both are true, and neither are as rude as saying "Oh, HELL NO!" lol.

    If you are attempting to correct the situation, ask for owner information, and attempt to contact the owner of the property. If she is the owner, I'm sorry. You can attempt to sit her down and ask, just as you would with a friend who was not your landlady, "Please don't that this wrong, but would it be possible for you to call before you come over? And not come over when I'm not home?" You can also invest in changing the locks. She won't be able to get in to "check on the dogs," or enter your home, if she doesn't have a key.

    It's great you want to preserve her feelings and the obviously good relationship you have built. GOOD LUCK!!!


    Answer by mrskrisher at 11:40 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I would say something like its not your decision its the other members of your family and you will mention it to them and give them the number to call if they want to be involved but anything other then that is out of your hands.

    Answer by countrygirl06 at 11:43 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I would tell her that it's very sweet of her to have such concern but that her prayers are quite enough for the situation. You would hate to make an uncomfortable situation worse for your father by him receiving a phone call from someone that is a stranger to him speaking about something that is deeply personal. Assure her that he is covered by supportive members of family and friends but that her concern and prayers are appreciated. If you have to, tell her that your father is a very private person and wouldn't appreciate being put in a position of talking to a stranger on the phone about something personal to him.

    As for going forth, I would just start drawing those little boundaries until you can make alternate living arrangements. 


    Answer by QuinnMae at 11:47 AM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Some clarity - she is the owner of the house I live in.
    Some other stuff - the few things I mentioned above are just a few examples of her interfering and injecting herself into my life - the list of things seems to be growing by the week - Including last week when she didn't see me outside for a couple of days - she called to see where I was (I was holed-up sick as crap with bronchitis) - I told her I was going to the dr the next day - before the next day could get there -- she had sent me TWO emails asking me to dismiss my husband from responsibility and let her take me to the doctor instead. I explained to her that I was running high fever and was very contagious - to which she responded that she didn't care and "just wished I would tell DH that I don't need him to take me,{to the doctor} to let her take me" ; there was something about that suggestion that felt eerily like "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle" ,ya know

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:01 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • I would telll here sorry but you cant give out your dads number with out his consent (shouldnt give out anyones # without concent but...) and leave it at that! Tell her thanks, you have things handled! Then start looking for another place to rent...OH my!

    Answer by rebeccadac at 12:04 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • If you are trying to avoid telling her in stronger terms, then just start with the smaller boundaries by saying 'I am really just more comfortable with my DH taking me, but thank you so much for your support'. If she keeps it up, just squash her suggestions by saying, 'that doesn't work for me / us / him'. If she won't let you off the phone tell her that you want to lay down to rest. or that you are on the other line with someone. I don't know how you can avoid using stronger terms though. She seems like she escalates very quickly.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:09 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Just tell NO!! thank you be firm. You are being so kind, but I like to do things myself, So please let me.

    Answer by gammie at 12:30 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Are there other elders in your area you can refer to her? Maybe missionaries? They love to answer questions. About the other privacy stuff, be diplomatic and say thanks but no thanks. You are capable of taking care of your home and responsibilities, while you are renting from her you might remind her that she chose you as tenants which indicates a level of trust she is not showing you. Maybe ask her if she had bad tenants in the past and reassure her you are not them. Good luck!

    Answer by Noosa at 12:54 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

  • Maybe you could try something like this -

    Tell her that you really appreciate all that she's done for you all, and all that she has tried to do, and that you think she's a very wonderful, loving person. But, that you have to admit that all of this generosity makes you uncomfortable, because friendships need to be able to be reciprocal, and you can't give to her or do for her to the same level. Tell her that you know it might sound silly, but it's important to you and your dh, for your pride's sake, and so that you guys can be friends without you feeling uncomfortable, that she needs to back off some.

    Or, if you don't think that would work, you could also try going the other direction with it - whenever she comes over and does something, get very upset - NOT that she came, but that she "had to do it" -


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 11:02 PM on Jan. 2, 2011

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